Editorial Review

Reviews

A perfect trashy review
This is a classic memoir of some ridiculously funny random sexual experiences, coupled with rampant alcohol and drug overindulgence. Chelsea's is a rare breed; a talented comic and contagious writer. Each chapter is an outlandish collection of the painful things that go wrong in her sexual conquests and latent promiscuity. The midget sex story was my favorite. Oh my!

Some great one-liners and insults in every other sentence.

Very embarrassing and hilarious stories, right from the first chapter. Chelsea is the ultimate tomboy, and can be outrageously funny. What makes this book so great is the shock value. Not just the content. Heavy drinking, drugs, and numerous sex partners are just not what you expect to read from an accomplished woman. It's just so very rare a girl is so open about her excess indulgence and spontaneous sex life like this.
She has a real talent at storytelling as well, which comes from her stand up comic days.

For fans of this genre, I'd also highly recommend the male version of this book for out of control laughs. Ripping comedy - outrageous penthouse letter stories.

High Heels and Dirty Deals - Globetrotting Tales of Debauchery from a Binge-drinking Nymphomaniac
... Read more

Editorial Review

Reviews

Fantastic!!!!!, October 5, 2010
Up to this point I only had shower curtain and duct tape. My folks always said i had limited imagintaion. Thank you writers of Snuggie Sutra. Now me and my everquest friends have activities for hours when the internet connection is down. I know its not in the book but im obese and i have modified many chapters buy just doubling where it says to "take your snuggie" I just repalced snuggie for Snuggies. I have added many hopefully the writes will add mine to this. My personal favorite is the dark knight. Were in a deep voice while i cover the lower half of my face, i try to fool my buddy its someone else under the snuggie. Also my friend reminded me that technically im the pig in the blankets.

Funny but best read at home, November 23, 2010
This book is hilarious. However when you start to laugh aloud in a public place friends and co-workers may ask what you are laughing at. It's a tad embarrassing to tell them-- unless they are very good friends. It's fun to tell close friends about this book and to read it with your spouse or partner. But your boss, not so much. Anyhow, with all the troubles in the world, everyone needs laughter and joy and this little book provides both.

Strong follow up to the Kama Sutra, September 30, 2010
While I prefer my first book in the series, the long awaited sophomore release, The Snuggie Sutra, performs admirably despite its size. The illustrations are first rate and guaranteed to bring you Kama. The writing is to the point and full of Dharma, and at $9.99 you will attain Artha with ease.

THE BEST ADD-ON COFFEE TABLE BOOK EVER! (That or behind the toilet!), December 21, 2010
The Snuggie Sutra

What can I say? Amazing! Someone took the time to write this book that will remain a laugh for our family and friends for years to come! Its semi adult orientated but that is only about as much adult as two stick figures can get lol! This book will go on the table along with The Zombie Survival Guide and Poo Happens. I purchased this book last night along with a late minute Siamese Slanket and within 18 hours it arrived at my door. 18 hours people! I purchased it at 9 or 10 PM at night and it got here before 2PM the next day! Perfect packaging. Now back to the book! The pages, the text, the printing - worth the hard cover - very nice paper used. 10 bucks on a book for me is a lot. I don't believe in it personally but for a gift - I was like OK.. When I got it - this paper isn't what appears to be the cheap garbage but quality semi-gloss with a great inking. The wording - The pictures - Everything.

I LOVE THIS PURCHASE AND I GOT MANY MANY MANY MANY MANY THANKS FOR IT AND I LOOK FOWARD TO MANY MANY MANY MANY MORE THANKS =)

The Best Thing to Talk About at a Party, October 19, 2010
I was at a party last night and somehow the discussion about snuggies came up (they always seem to do so). While everyone was clamoring about how much they loved wearing their snuggies in cold weather at home, I jumped into the scene and asked everyone, "Have you heard of the snuggie sutra?" They all looked at me like I was crazy, but after a few seconds--their judging looks turned more into curiosity.

This is the experience I always get when talking about the Snuggie Sutra. With over 100 sexual positions that you and your partner can do with a snuggie, you will never get bored at home! The drawings are very fun and got to dig the little anecdotes provided as well.

I also love how the authors disclose in the preface that it doesn't necessarily have to be between a man and a woman, which opens the door to so much more LGBTQ fun!

At only $9.99, why not? Get a copy for yourself and put it on your coffee table, and you will never have a problem entertaining guests. Buy your friends who are passionate snuggie-users a book as well as a present!

Hilarious!, December 26, 2010
I bought this book as a gag gift. It just shows a bunch of different positions that can be fun with the use of a snuggie. Highly recommend it for the laughs alone...if you use the position suggestions, even better!

A funny little book....., December 13, 2010
I gave this book along with a Snuggie to a friend and they thought it was hilarious! The book provides alot of smiles, giggles, and out right laughter! Perfect book to give with the Snuggie!

Awesome Book!, December 1, 2010
This book is hilarious! I got it as a gift for someone, as well as a Snuggie to go with it. I looked through it quickly the first few chapters are so funny! Check it out!

Great Book!, September 29, 2010
Gives me and my wife something to do while watching Season Two of "Hey Dude"! Much better than laying around in a Slanket and watching "Salute Your Shorts"!

Good gag gift but otherwise kind of lame, December 21, 2010
I bought this as a gag gift for a friend and it was effective but it's really not something anyone needs in their collection. There are some 3-ways and 4-ways and just flat-out bizarre "positions" but it's an interesting read for 5 minutes of your life that you'll never get back. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Celebrating 10 years of helping hundreds of thousands of women achieve pregnancy, avoid pregnancy naturally, and gain better control of their health and lives, the 10th Anniversary Edition of the classic bestseller will include:

•New 'Preface to the 10th Anniversary Edition"

•Updates on new fertility technologies

•Natural approaches to conception

•Updated Resources and Books

For any woman unhappy with her current method of birth control; demoralized by her quest to have a baby; or experiencing confusing symptoms in her cycle, this book provides answers to all these questions, plus amazing insights into a woman's body. Weschler thoroughly explains the empowering Fertility Awareness Method, which in only a couple minutes a day allows a woman to:

•Enjoy highly effective, scientifically proven birth control without chemicals or devices

•Maximize her chances of conception or expedite fertility treatment by identifying impediments to conception

•Increase the likelihood of choosing the gender of her baby

•Gain control of her sexual and gynecological health

Reviews

Required reading for EVERY woman!, May 4, 2003
I honestly thought that just being a woman ~ I knew all I needed to know to get pregnant. I am 35 now and ready to have a baby, so I stopped taking the pill and waited 2 cycles and thought all I had to do was plan our night of fun close to Ovulation "Day 14". Was I ever wrong!!

After trying unsuccessfully on my own for 5 months, I started to question my fertility. I purchased ovulation test strips and they wouldn't show a peak ovulation. I found others online who were trying to conceive and recommended this book. Once I received the book, I couldn't put it down! I was amazed at what little information I actually knew about my cycle ~ my own body and what it had been telling me all along. I just didn't understand it.

I learned not everyone ovulates on "Day 14", for me it is actually "Day 23". I assumed I wasn't ovulating and got frustrated at day 20-21 and would stop testing. I now know to look for signals to show when I'm ovulating and now test in the correct window.

By reading this book I now have a clear understanding of my cycle. At my age, I want to have a baby sooner than later, so I plan on taking a more aggressive approach to my fertilization. I talked with my doctor after 6 months, rather than 1 year. With the help of this book and charting, I was able to explain my cycle and show my doctor all my charts. I was able to provide all the information needed to show I have a short luteal phase. By providing this information to the doctor, we will be able to treat the ovulation problem that much quicker. My doctor commented that I was extremely organized and it really helped things along.

This book is very easy to read and understand. You will be able to clearly read your own body signals during your cycle, and have a better understanding of your fertilization ~ whether you want to become pregnant - or not.

I will share this book with other women and would recommend it for every woman!

Excellent, excellent, excellent, October 8, 2002
I consider myself to be a reasonably intelligent, college-educated woman with a pretty darn firm grasp on How Babies Are Made, so when my husband and I decided to start a family, I thought it would be as easy as tossing the birth control pills aside and Let The Fun Begin! After almost a year with NO baby, followed by a miscarriage, I was starting to question my fertility. (After all, how hard can this be?) I went to the OBGYN, who immediately recommended Clomid and sex on the 14th day of my "cycle." I wasn't comfortable with the fertility pill concept, and saw a recommendation for this book instead. So, I picked it up.

WOW! Why don't they teach THIS in Sex Ed?? I wish I'd known this stuff when I was 13! I sure knew the mechanics of sex, alright, but not the mechanics of my own body. I was amazed at what I didn't know; while I had observed the various signs that are talked about, I didn't have the slightest clue what they meant. They never worried me, but they never gave me any insight, either. I started charting, figured out what day of the cycle I REALLY ovulated, and on the third try -SURPRISE!- we were pregnant! While the OB said to try on day 14, we REALLY needed to try on day 19. Sperm only live for 5 days max, so we would have missed our window of opportunity every time. :(

I have recommended this book to complete strangers whose friends were "trying to get pregnant," and lent it to my best friend when she mentioned going off the pill. She's due in December!

Now that my cycle is back, I've reclaimed the book back again to avoid another baby until we're ready. We're still breastfeeding, and using this as a birth control method doesn't come with the risk of drying up my milk supply. (I know, Micronor (mini-pill) is breastfeeding-friendly, but I don't think I'm ready for that yet.)

I am SO pleased with this book and the knowledge I gained from it; I can't believe I didn't know all this before my mid-twenties!

Brilliantly enlightening!, August 18, 1999
I bought this book after 4 unsuccessful months of trying, which was after 3 months of waiting after having 2 miscarriages. Since I'd gotten pregnant right away with my first child, I figured there might be something I needed to learn and I couldn't have been more right. This book is an absolute must for anyone, whether you're trying to get pregnant or not. I learned more about my body in the day and a half it took me to read the book than I ever did in any of the sex ed classes in school. After 4 months of what we thought was perfect timing and no success, we thought there might be a problem. I bought the book to learn about detecting ovulation and potential fertility problems. I got pregnant the first cycle I charted because of the knowledge I gained about ovulation and its signals. I learned through charting that I ovulated on Day 21 rather than Day 14. I was also able to determine I was pregnant without even taking a test! I'm so thrilled about the knowledge I've gained by reading this book and I feel much more in tune with my body now that I am pregnant. I urge any woman to get this book if you are at all interested in your body, pregnancy achievement, or pregnancy avoidance. This book is very well written in plain English that is easy to understand. The illustrations, color photographs, and numerous charting patterns were especially helpful to me. I can't say enough about this book!

An invaluable resource, but skepticism prevents heartache, January 27, 2002
'TCOYF,' as it is known in pre-conception communities, is definitely an invaluable resource for any woman or couple wanting a child (it is often referred to as the 'bible' of pre-conception). It arms you with the knowledge necessary to maximize chances of conception (or lower the risks of pregnancy in those who do not wish to conceive) and does so in an enjoyable, easy-to-read manner that does not belittle or overwhelm its audience. The wealth of information in this book about a woman's cycle and how to chart it are absolutely fantastic, and one is left with a sense of 'how could I not have known all this was going on in my body before?' Although I highly recommend this book, I would also like to offer a much-needed word of warning about it: page after page after page of success stories are presented, leaving the general impression that the whole process of conception is MUCH easier than it is. The author repeatedly presents 'case studies' of women who conceived after only ONE MONTH of using the methods in this book. The overall effect is one of effortless and immediate conception if the guidelines provided by the author are followed religiously. Although I do not believe it is intentional, I have to say I feel the book is deceptive in this regard. It also promotes methods of determining pregnancy that absolutely are NOT definite and that, if taken to heart by the reader, can leave one devestated at the end of a cycle, when the feeling of 'but I don't understand, the book said I must be pregnant' take over. I have seen too many women experience these disappointments to consider any honest review of this book complete without mentioning these things. The reader should use a healthy dose of skepticism about some of her more controversial ideas and use the book mainly as a guide to getting to know one's body and learn how to determine ovulation. It truly is invaluable in that regard. But don't let all those case studies get you overexcited or build up unrealistic expectations. Conception still is not an exact science, no matter how much knowledge you have at your disposal, and you still may be in for a wait, no matter how faithfully you follow these guidelines.

You've got to have this book - and recommend it to friends!!, May 4, 1999
After over 4 months of trying to get pregnant, a good friend of mine recommended this book. She told me that if nothing else I would feel more knowledgeable about my body, its cycles, and what it was telling me when. So I ordered it. It is so well written that I found myself looking forward to reading it. It is incredibly informative and easy to understand. And I immediately knew from reading it what my husband and I were doing wrong (we were a little late in my cycle each month). Thanks to the charting I knew that having a mild flu with fever delayed my cycle's ovulation date *and* I knew when to keep going before ovulation. I'm happy to write that thanks to my first cycle of charting I'm now 3 weeks pregnant. I very very highly recommend this book. It helped me to relax and, literally, go with my body's flow. (I wish there were one this good for during pregnancy!!) THANKS TONI!!!!

Essential for every woman, especially teens, June 19, 2000
This is not just a guide to getting pregnant. It is about knowing your body without being embarassed. It is quite liberating to read this book and then be able to recognize exactly where you are in your fertility cycle. Too often, women are made to feel guilty or shamed about even looking at our bodies. It's beyond imagination for some women to examine themselves or to ask questions about what exactly their bodies do. Weschler helps break this barrier and shows us why it's critical to overcome the societal embarassment or reluctance.

She makes a very good point: why is it that men are fertile all of the time, that women are fertile for just 5 days a month, yet the majority of birth control involves a woman taking a drug 30 days a month, or inserting a contraceptive device before every sexual encounter? Forget about the burden being placed on women (as long as we bear the children we will be ultimately responsible). Think about the ridiculousness of taking powerful hormonal drugs every day or having to use contraception when you're not even fertile! The drug and contraceptive industries are having a field day!

This book has three very distinct values:

1. An essential part of every adolescent girl's education about her changing body. This book will do more than almost anything else in preparing her for responsible sexual encounters, and will help her self esteem by getting rid of her trepidation about her body.

2. Tool for avoiding pregnancy.

3. Tool for achieving pregnancy.

It boils down to three basic fertility signs: basal temperature, cervical fluid, and height of cervix. Once you read the book and become accomplished at tracking each of the three signs, you can put away the thermometer. Weschler urges you to track the basal temperature faithfully for several months. But, especially if you're using the method as birth control, you can judge by the other two signs and safely avoid pregnancy. And it takes absolutely no extra effort or monitoring.

Most of us have heard the jokes about natural family planning. Weschler discusses those criticisms and shows why this book is different and reliable.

"Taking Charge of Your Fertility" will ease your mind and give you the confidence of being certain when you are fertile or not fertile.

Excellent information - but take with a grain of salt, February 22, 2005
If you are anything like me, you were about 12 years old when you learned everything you know about the female body. Of course back then we were more concerned about guessing who had gotten their period so far and too busy avoiding eye contact with the boys in the room to really pay much attention.

Now, both as an adult and as a woman actively trying to achieve pregnancy, this is invaluable information that I wish I had known all along. Through Ms. Weschler's clear and easy to understand writing, you'll learn to fill in those blanks: how everything works, what exactly goes on during your cycle, how best to time sex for conception (I learned within the first month of charting that we were off by about 10 days - no wonder our first attempts didn't work!) and so much more...including how HIS parts work (700 million sperm at any given time? OH MY!).

However, I would also take Ms. Weschler's blatant distain for the medical community with a grain of salt. YES, her methods provide invaluable knowledge for women and YES this is information I believe each woman should be armed with, but I do bristle at her constant dismissal of all doctors and her negative portrayal of them. Especially alarming was her description of colonoscopy as "demoralizing." No, this procedure isn't as fun as trip to Disneyland, but it has indisputably saved thousands of lives despite the stigma many would place on it. My hope is that women read this to learn more about themselves...but not shy away from seeking medical help when and if they need it.

An Amazing Learning Experience for Every Woman!, October 22, 2000
This book is absolutely wonderful. My sister sent it to me. I stopped birth control pills in March and with the charting of my cycles, purposely avoided conceiving. July was the first month I actually tried to get pregnant and I did...on the first month! I knew I was pregnant before I "missed my period" and before I took a test. My sister read it before me, and while off the pill, avoided pregnancy for over a year. The first month she decided to try to achieve pregnancy, she too, conceived...first month! We are both expecting in the spring...2 1/2 weeks apart.

I have sent this book to several friends and recommend it to everyone. It is such an important learning tool for all women, whether they are thinking of pregnancy or not. I learned so much about my body. It is just an incredible book and method. It is such a shame that doctors do not recommend fertility awareness to women. BUY THIS BOOK...you will LOVE it!!!

A terrific guide to understanding our bodies!, October 11, 1999
My husband and I had been trying to get pregnant for six months when I heard about this book through a website. I purchased the book on amazon.com and started charting my cycles right away. Within two months my husband and I realized our fertility problems were nothing more than timing. We got pregnant on the second month of charting. Our son's due date is in December. I have recommended this book to so many people. There is so much information in it that you just never learned in school. Above everything else I realized it is normal not to be "normal". This book saved us the agony of fertility testing and unnecessary stress. For the first time we felt in control! I showed my charts to my doctor and he was extremely impressed with accuracy and teachings of the book. My sister-in-law is now using the book as a guide for her fertility problems. She is currently taking Clomid to overcome a medical condition. "Taking Charge" is helping her to keep track of her cycles and gives her a guideline to help deal with the unsympathetic doctors!

Irregular periods? Save valuable time, read this book NOW!, January 6, 2000
If your cycles are irregular, read this book NOW. I went to my gynecologist a FULL YEAR before I wanted to start trying for pregnancy (because I'm older and wanted to speed things up when the time came), said: What do I read/do now to get ready because I'm very irregular and my cycles are unpredictable? She talked about genetic compatability screenings, but never mentioned cervical fluid or going off the pill right away to determine what my non-pill-controlled cycles were like. She sent me off to "try for 6 cycles" (which in my case took nearly a year due to long cycles during which, I now know, thanks to Toni's wonderful book, I wasn't even ovulating!) What a waste of a 35-year-old woman's precious time! I haven't conceived instantaneously like many of the other woman testifying here, but I'm confident I'm now finally truly on my way. Even though there are almost 200 reviews posted about this book at the time of this writing, I felt I must add my comments (and endorsement), in the hopes they will push one more woman to order this book NOW and truly get educated about our body's awe-inspiring ability to tell us what we need to know to get pregnant. ... Read more

Editorial Review

"This is one hugely entertaining book. I loved every page. And I will never let Neil Strauss within fifty feet of my wife."--A. J. Jacobs, Esquire

Hidden somewhere, in nearly every major city in the world, is an underground seduction lair. And in these lairs, men trade the most devastatingly effective techniques ever invented to charm women. This is not fiction. These men really exist. They live together in houses known as Projects. And Neil Strauss, the bestselling author, spent two years living among them, using the pseudonym Style to protect his real-life identity. The result is one of the most explosive, witty, and controversial books of the year--guaranteed to change the lives of men and transform the way women understand the opposite sex forever.

On his journey from AFC (average frustrated chump) to PUA (pick-up artist) to PUG (pick-up guru), Strauss not only shares scores of original seduction techniques but also has memorable encounters with the likes of Tom Cruise, Britney Spears, Paris Hilton, Heidi Fleiss, and Courtney Love. And then things really start to get strange – and passions lead to betrayals lead to violence. The Game is the story of one man’s transformation from frog to prince to prisoner in the most unforgettable book of the year. ... Read more

Reviews

Learn the Rules, but Don't Play "The Game"
"The Game", at first, appears to be an informative, eye-opening, entertaining and DANGEROUS MANUAL ON HOW TO SEDUCE WOMEN. Deep within this controversial book, however, lies one of the best self improvement books available to man... as long as he understands and embraces the fundamental reality that the acquisition of confidence and personal worth are strictly required in order to succeed at the Game. A lot of low self esteem individuals will read this book and become, I believe, better men.

And I completely understand the threat many women would feel by this material. But intelligent women are insulated from the manipulation at which many of the individuals featured in this story are so inept. Only the na�ve are at risk, as they always have been.

Many people refer to this book as a manual on how to seduce women. But Neil Strauss, its author, never made such a claim. It was merely his honest and humorous account of his experience in the PUA (pickup artist) community. But Strauss is a talented writer. And, as such, he not only managed to make this the very entertaining and insightful manual everybody said it was, but has also given an extremely valuable tool to goodhearted men with benign goals - a tool that can be used with mutual benefit, without anyone getting hurt or played. In spite of other reviewers' claims to the contrary, Strauss does disclose the nature and vivid examples of the emotional and spiritual consequences PUAs reap when they manipulate people for narcissistic purposes.

This endeavor began when Strauss, a writer for the New York Times, was given an assignment to write about the underground pickup artist community. Strauss was a skinny, balding intellectual who felt awkward around women and hadn't had much success with them prior. He immediately homed in on a character named Mystery and hit the mother load. Mystery was a modern day Casanova and widely considered, by the cumulative underground community of PUAs, to be the preeminent pickup artist in the world. Tom Cruise's seduction guru character in "Magnolia" was supposedly based on Mystery. By the time Strauss finished his assignment, he had transformed himself and assumed Mystery's title as tenth degree pickup master of the universe.

As I began reading the book, I felt uneasy. Knowing this knowledge was out there felt akin to suddenly discovering a bunch of troubled kids figured out how to make nuclear weapons.

I've always had great interest in psychology and what makes people do the things they do. I discovered my knowledge of psychology was pale in comparison to these guys. They (the serious ones) study contemporary literature on psychology and ancillary subjects, many of which involve some sort of self-improvement. The young, horny ones operate with one laser-focused mission: Bed women... bed as many "9+" women as possible! The more they bed, the more they validate themselves. But some, more enlightened ones, were simply looking to find the best wife/partner they possibly could.

Strauss began as Mystery's student. After a few successes, he began to catch the eye of other PUAs to whom he quickly acclimated himself. He soaked up their knowledge like a sponge. At the end of two years, Strauss had studied, one-on-one, the methods of all the world's alleged greatest pickup artists and took that which best suited his own personal style and made it his own. In the process he became an underground, worshipped legend - Code Name: Style. But in the process, he also greatly strengthened his core person and acquired the Holy Grail: self-esteem. This book doesn't just contain the cumulative knowledge of the PUA community, but one hell of an entertaining story.

It must be stated that the Game's contribution to much of Strauss' unstoppable success is mitigated by the fact that he was a writer for one of the most respected publications in the world, living in a mansion in the Hollywood Hills over Sunset Boulevard (a consequence of rising to the top of the PUA community), regularly interviewing celebrities and driving a nice car; most men with these assets aren't having issues dating. Still, I believe the majority of what he achieved was aided by his mastery of the basic principals of "The Game". And those are:

1. You can only "game" a woman with whom you are prepared to fail (if you find yourself wanting her too badly, you'll never have her)
2. Exude extreme confidence
3. Demonstrate some kind of value, skill or talent NEAR your target, but not directly to her. Initially, pretend you don't even notice her.
4. Win over her friends
5. Be hard to get
6. Be fun
7. Handle challenges from competing men intellectually and psychologically. Never fight.
8. Respond to any signs that she's not interested as if it were "no big deal"
9. Once you have your target's attention, playfully insult ("neg") her. For example, "I like your hair, is that your natural color?" The more beautiful the woman, the more effective the neg is in garnering interest as they rarely hear comments of that nature.
10. Once attraction has been established, punish any unwanted behavior by withdrawing and disinterest, but do not pout or have an attitude.
11. Alternate between attraction and disinterest signals in a push-pull fashion until rapport is established

There are many other rules, but those are the ones that stuck out to me.

As I read, I found myself subconsciously adjusting my behavior, according to Game theory... and getting surprising results. Women that used to intimidate me with their "presence" were suddenly acting goofy/nervous around me. Could this be real? After I got over the initial excitement of my newfound knowledge, I began to get disappointed that the women that made ME goofy/nervous for so long could be so easily manipulated. I feared that I would start to lose respect for women. Who wants someone they don't respect?

But by the time I got to the end, I realized that I wasn't manipulating anyone. I was simply carrying myself with more confidence. I found myself initiating conversations with strangers. There were no signs of neediness or social anxiety. I realized a man with a conscience can take a small portion of the knowledge shared in "The Game" to simply get over that first, most difficult hurdle of establishing rapport with a woman to whom he is attracted. I realized all anyone reading this book is really looking for is confidence. And many individuals that happen to gain a skill or talent as a result of his quest for a better sex life might just get some self esteem in the process. And that, I believe, is the greatest good of this material. The greater one's self esteem, the higher his goals.

Knowledge is power. And it's only how that power is used that can reveal the nature of its possessor. The only real dangerous "players" out there are the ones whose cognitive reasoning and emotional maturity never fully develop and, at the same time, possess Oscar-worthy acting skills. Yeah, there are a few out there. But an intelligent woman knows when she's being played. And as Strauss saw repeatedly, manipulating and seducing a woman, in and of itself, is a victory that invariably leaves one hollow, still unfulfilled. In the end, your true self is what counts and is the only thing that can find and keep love.

Liquid Lounge Casanovas
Strippers. Liquid lounge womanizers. It has you hooked in seconds. With each page turned, the alluring to creepy Casanova villains and victims come alive. Drinks are shaken not stirred. Jacuzzis overflowing with blondes. Miniskirts and thongs slice the heated air, hanging from the ceiling fan. The Game is a fast-paced, mesmerizing tale of a underground secret society. A study in social psychology, transformations from nerd to stud, emotional self-destruction, evolving into the creation of the seduction industry.

Investigative journalist Neil Strauss of Rolling Stone/NY Times fame provides an exhilarating memoir as he submerses himself in the shadowy lair of pickup artists. Bizarre. Alluring. It`s a cult-like subculture of hipsters who've cracked the persuasion code. Lives dedicated to seducing as many women as possible. Unpredictable story lines. A flurry of celebs. Replete with a stunningly bizarre cast of narcissistic and yet colorful characters.

But this is not a tale of the skills he obtains, or the women he seduces.

It's a journey of self discovery. It's the tale of the men he befriends, lives with and works with in his quest of becoming a master pickup artist. It's about male bonding and relationships. It's about the emotional trauma the men experience by devoting their lives to the pick up artist endeavor.

Neil's assignment is ironic. He was born a nerdish, unconfident geek. Despite having two bestsellers under his belt, he was a self-described chick repellant. Short, bald, skinny, with a big schnoz. Painfully shy, Neil is as miles away from a world-class womanizer. He schooled for 3 years at a womens college (Vassar) and never had a girlfriend.

He dives in headfirst, burns the midnight oil reading three boxes of persuasion books. He studies aura, handwriting analysis, palm reading, magic tricks, and posts online all day in the seduction message boards. Taken under the wings of the self-proclaimed greatest pickup artists, he researches techniques, obsessively testing gaming theories in clubs seven days a week.

His professional wingman is a charismatic diminutive figure, one Erick Von Markovick, aka Mystery. Mystery is king of the PUAs, with a worldwide following of disciples and students. An outlandish dresser and swashbuckling self-promoter, Mystery single-handedly invents an entire language of acronyms and jargon and field techniques for speed seduction. He adapts group dynamics, reverse psychology and neurolinguistic programming into conversation to subconsciously seduce, in a sleight of hand fashion. Under his tutoring, PUAs perfect a slavish dependency on routines and patterns until they become successful social marketing robots.

In a scant two years, Neil transforms from journalist loner into "Style", a legendary seducer. The seduction community evolves from merely an anonymous online forum into an overnight lucrative business. Soon Mystery and Strauss are world known as the pre-eminent social scientists of attraction. Neil has them set up shop at Project Hollywood - holding court in Dean Martin's old Hollywood Hills mansion. The snake oil characters who frequent the sex frat include a bizarre cast of characters. Mystery, and various luminaries with handles like Juggler and Papa, Sweater, Matador, Juggler and J Dog. It becomes a revolving door for parties, celebs, and loose women. Home to an unknown number of roommates. Even Courtney Love moves in. Tom Cruise lectures Neil about their methods; Neil reminds him he did a movie glamorizing Neil's new lifestyle. (Magnolia). Heidi Fleiss gets in a competition to pick up women, and ends up losing, so she c*blocks Neil at every turn. Paris Hilton and Britney Spears get number closed for dates.

But in the end, Neil discovers "The Game" is a dangerous obsessive Pandora's box. The players are fiercely competitive, full of Machiavellian tactics. The seductive power can corrupt, and bedding babes by the dozens may not lead to self satisfaction. And he loses himself in the insatiable elixir of seduction and lust.

Spellbinding, can only describe the trials and tribulations inside the secret fraternity. Neil gets his bestseller, which has been optioned by a Hollywood studio. Despite the creepy environment, you sense he is a genuine decent human being. He is self-deprecating, and shares his failings and frustrations. He manages to retain sight in the bizarre nature of his surrounding in which he is now embedded. But in the end, he suffers dark reflections on who and what he has become. He feels hollow at the dehumanization of women...and of himself. He loses the respect of women the more successful he is at seducing them. He is passionate about women, but comes to hate being Style.

And his posse of clandestine lady killers experience hedonistic highs, and devastating lows in the aftermath of their endeavors. The emotional toll on the crew is sobering. Project Hollywood becomes a commune infested with inter-community rivalries, dysfunctional neurotic behavior, and complete nervous breakdowns. It all eventually implodes. Neil meets his now steady girlfriend Lisa (the drummer in Courtney Love's band), and decides to retire Style.

The Game is a raunchy expose of epic proportions of a seriously twisted subculture. Strauss pens it in an addictive seductive style. Magnificently crafted with characters and emotions. You share his inner journalist voice as if it's your own. Damn near impossible to put this book down.

Others in the pick up genre you should pick up;
The Mystery Method: How to Get Beautiful Women Into Bed

Written by the guru of the seduction community. His encyclopedia-like book reads like a PHD college course on seduction. It is the template for what Strauss uses in the Game. It lays out the techniques, terminology, and methodology for anyone to learn.

The Professional Bachelor Dating Guide - How to Exploit Her Inner Psycho
A hilarious, devious sexual persuasion guide for hooking up, written by a psych doc lounge lizard who conquered the nightclubs for decades. It includes a world bachelor party vacation guide, and an asset protection guide to set up pre-marriage to shield you from divorce.

I'd recommend you get all three. Prepare to get shocked, to laugh and to learn.

Fascinating!!!
I'm 52, married, don't know the author, have never heard of this secret society and still found this book fascinating. I say this because so many reviewers seem to have an agenda. From the arrival of this book b4 a business trip where my wife asked if I was going through another mid-life crisis, to the enjoyable but staccato writing style of Strauss, I read this book in pure fascination but half the time wondering if it was fiction. From reading these reviews it is clear there is basis for this book. But a Project Hollywood with male drama and Courtney Love thrown in for humor? Well, evidently it was true.

This book should be read by all young men. Yes, some have the ability to approach women in some manner, but most DON'T have the ability in ANY manner. This book will help. Does it give contrived starting lines? Sure, but the point of the book is, "men need it" and when most people think of pick-up lines, these are actually exactly the opposite as more fully explained in the book. We are not conditioned to know the appropriate way to approach women! But apparently, we can learn.

This book is educational on talking to women but also an interesting story about the crazy, neurotic lives these guys live. As to the author, his writing style is much too young for me but I did enjoy watching him weave this story and predict a bright journalistic career for him. I had previously read his biography of Jenna Jamison and enjoyed it also. I have not seen much publicity about this book. I heard about it from the short story in Esquire. I would love to read the NY Times article referenced in the book. I recommend this book for both men and women in their dating years but also recommend others read this that just want to learn about interpersonal relationships or read a zany life of needy men.

Well Written, Witty and a Little Weird...
The majority of the negative reviews seem to come from people who feel it's their duty to turn up their noses at the sleeze 'n' cheese of the Pick-Up Artist Community. After all, a Society that exists for the sole purpose of seducing poor, defenseless club-hopping women isn't deserving of our respect.

Maybe. But we're not reviewing a society. we're reviewing a book. And as such it's one of the most entertaining books I've ever read.

Using a crisp, succinct and witty writing style, author Neil Strauss chronicles his inflitration of a secret society of Pick-Up Artists (PUAs) who prowl the Southern California coast. These men use all means of tools...from neuro-linguistic programming to gimmicks and routines...to play upon the insecurities of women as a means of getting them into bed. Along the way, he examines the psychology of women as a means of illustrating just why some of these tricks work.

It should be noted that this is NOT a "How-To" book. But as a guy, it definitely gave me a deeper understanding about how women think (as well as some insight into the age-old question "What does SHE see in THAT guy?").

But Strauss also gives you a deeper insight into the male brain, as he exposes many of the PUA Masters as men who simply are in constant need of validation and approval. While on one hand he marvels at the seeming ease in which the PUAs seduce and entice women, he acknowledges that there's something sad about these men.

At the heart of this book, however, is Strauss's own story of transformation. In two years, he goes from a nerdy writer who could never get a date to a master of seduction, juggling a differnet woman every night of the week. Strauss deftly balances his own disbelief at his conquests with just the right mix of boastful wit and cynical foreboding.

"The Game" is a humorous and well written account of a fascinating world populated by some interestng individuals. And while these people may not neccesarily be to your liking, the author does a fine job in showing that...regardless of gender...all we as human beings want is to belong.

You may hate the players...but don't hate "The Game".

couldn't put it down - highly recommended
When I first ran across this at the bookstore, I didn't care to pick it up. Pick up artistry seems so.... slimy! But a second time, I noticed the author's name, having read some of his celebrity bios (Dave Navarro, Marylin Manson, etc.) so I gave it a shot.

It's definitely a fun and insightful read. I highly recommend it on many levels: the story itself, the anthropological aspect, and the author's inner journey.

The story itself is a bizarre ride - alternately inspiring, hilarious, and even a bit frightening. It's very honest, and outright explicit in its discussions of male and female sexuality. It takes place across the globe (L.A., Las Vegas, Toronto, Miami, New York, Belgrade, parts of Russia, etc.) with a cast of bizarre characters that you quickly gain affection for. There's Mystery (the 6-foot-5 Crazy Canadian genius), Ross Jeffries (the aging eccentric), Dustin (the natural), Tyler Durden (the sociopath), Papa (the robot), Juggler (the poet), Extramask (the virgin turned pick up artist), rancid-cheese-feet girl, Katya (the destroyer), Courtney Love (flawed, strung out, but highly intelligent), Tom Cruise, Heidi Fleiss (the best female pick up artist), Britney Spears, and of course Lisa Leveridge (the ultimate rock & roll babe). All, even the "villans", are given empathy, though the author makes fairly clear who he likes and doesn't.

Strauss strikes a clear theme in this book: one can use the pick up attitude and techniques to meet more women, have more sex, etc. But in the end, the most important lessons are personal: confidence can and MUST be learned, take care of yourself and your appearance (but don't worry about it too much), learn how to be a good communicator, and treat all others -- not just women -- with respect and dignity, while never forgetting to protect your own dignity. Techniques alone won't do anything to help you build a long-lasting monogamous relationship!

What's also amusing about the book is that so many of these men are looking for women, but they wind up with... men! In many ways, this is a story about males who bond over their sexuality. Some may say it's homo-erotic. Frankly, I just think it's so rare today for heterosexual men to be honest about their vulnerability that we tend to associate any talk of this nature with gayness.

The story also highlights the potential dangers of these ideas: if rote techniques get you laid, you tend to lose respect for the opposite sex. (Now we know how some women must feel!) On one hand, it is important to view women as equals, and to knock them off pedestals men fashion for them. But these techniques also can be very bad, as there are those who adopt these ideas not for sex or relationships, but for power. This lust for power can lead some into a sociopathic, cult-like state.

As for those who question the truthfulness of this story, nearly all of the incidents are verifiable online or in print. Just Google or A9 search for them: the NY times story, the Tom Cruise interview in Rolling Stone, the Courtney Love interview, the Britney Spears interview, and Strauss' relationship with Lisa Leveridge. Even ABC Primetime did a segment (search for "Can studying turn geeks into Casasnovas?") on this subject, interviewing Strauss, and doing a "hidden camera" segment with one of Mystery's students.

So yes, pick up artistry apparently does work, because people are attracted to and respect certain kinds of behaviour. The harder question, which I think Strauss clearly underlines, is: what are you going to do about it, once you've learned the game? Will you keep playing "the game", where the purpose in life is just to have a thousand shallow relationships? Or will you rise above it?

One of the few books I've found that was interesting enough to read completely
Fascinating book about the PUA subculture. Love the black leather like binding and the red bookmark. Highly recommend reading for any man that wants to broaden his horizons.
I've read similar books and I'll share some observations to aspiring PUA's : All the good PUA guys either are either somewhat naturally charismatic, or have higher education and / or have established careers with significant incomes. While I'm not suggesting that you have to be rich or handsome to be a successful PUA, you will need to be getting a paycheck somehow. And higher education is a definite plus. Odd how all these books seem to leave out this essential fact.

Invest in yourself. Material things come to those that have self actualized.

If something has a direct benefit to an individual or a class of people, and a theoretical, abstract, or amorphous benefit to everybody else, realize that the proponent's intentions are to benefit the former, not the latter, no matter what bull they try to feed you.

Don't take proffered advice without a critical analysis. 90 % of all advice is intended to benefit the proponent, not the recipient. Actually, the number is probably closer to 97 but I don't want to come off as cynical.

As a young man, you're on your own. Society divides and conquers. Unlike women who have advocates looking out for them (NOW, Women's Study Departments, government, non-profit organizations, political advocacy groups) almost no one is looking out for you. Know that few people have your best interests at heart. Your mother does. Your father probably does (if he stuck around). Your siblings are on your side. Everybody else worries about themselves.

Remember, 97% of all advice is worthless. Take what you can use, and trash the rest.

Being from the world described in The Game, the book CAPTIVATED me
I've known Neil for almost 3 years, and met him in LA soon after he got to know Mystery. I never knew Neil before he was "Style" so I can't attest to the drastic changes he's made in himself since first stumbling on my web site, which over the years has become the center of the community (references for which saturate the book and permeate the core). I've known him almost solely as "Style the pickup artist", and only later as "Neil Strauss the writer".

I feel a very strong connection to many of the stories he details in The Game, even having only been present for a portion of their happenings, though being witness to almost all of them in one form or another. I know and have met just about every character in the book and it was an intense read, very surreal to me. I try not to judge people on their flaws, but the people throughout the book are as unique as he presents them and I feel that much closer to them now as acquaintances, peers, and friends.

In a sense, The Game filled all the gaps for me and does so in a highly engrossing way. Maybe my perspective is skewed or I feel strongly affected by the book due to my connection to a lot of what it contains, but I can say for sure that Neil is an excellent writer and he weaves the tail of a pickup artist living through the community in an unforgettable way. Many might think he's "exposed" things that should not be exposed but the reality is there is no difference to exposing the basis of ideas and methods in the community than there is to exposing the fact that magazines like Cosmo or Vogue exist for women. Each sex has their "how to" manuals, resources and, yes, "community", and both for the same purpose - how to find, attract, and keep desirable members of the opposite sex.

I will end this review by encourage anyone interested in the topic to read the book and anyone who doubts or objects to the content to read the book. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Reviews

Sex Information With Creativity and Style (and Pictures!), February 2, 2010
In my college level sexuality classes, my students repeatedly ask me to recommend "a good sex book with pictures". I wanted to find one that had accurate information, a dose of education, and was sensitive about the issues different people have in their relationships. MMPS met all those criteria and more. Eric Garrison's prose is full of metaphors and amusing turns of phrase. In one of his recommendations for position changes he writes, "So let out his dingy before you invite him back to dock safely in your harbor." His words naturally make the person reading the book laugh out loud and want to poke their partner and repeat it.
The photographs are very tasteful, with no below the waist frontal nudity. Everyone has been beautifully airbrushed and glows with health. I would have liked more realistic looking couples of a variety of ages, but I have a feeling the publisher might have disagreed with me.
MMPS is an excellent book for heterosexual couples and singles of all ages who want to bring more grace, style, and imagination into their sexual repertoire. You can read all of the suggestions and details, or just look at the pictures and follow the highlights. It is several steps above the usual sexual position book (that's for sure), and has information that real people will really use to improve their lives. This book is about making genital contact more pleasurable and meaningful. It's a great gift book for newlyweds, anniversaries, or your sweetie for a special occasion.

Wonderful book for expanding anyone's sexual knowledge, beginner to advanced, November 13, 2009
This book is terrific. It has a wide range of sex tips and positions for everyone from beginners to advanced lovers. My partners and I have also really enjoyed the way that the author arranges suggested positions as well as transitions between them to make sexual encounters that include experimentation inspired by this book flow well and feel natural. I would recommend this book to anybody interested in learning more about sex, especially in terms of spicing up their erotic life with new takes on old positions as well as some challenging and rewarding new additions. Excellent sex book, a perfect addition to any sexual person's library. A+

Making Beautiful Music!!, October 5, 2009
From the moment I read the dedication: "To My Mom and Dad: This is what happens when you teach your toddler how to arabesque..." I knew I was in for some fun! Mr. Garrison uses musical metaphors throughout this beautiful book to entice readers to try new rhythms to set the tempo of their sex life. He constantly surprises by offering insights in a way that makes one pause, smile and want to share them! This is not just another sexual how-to manual. This is a book that celebrates sexuality as a way for couples to celebrate themselves. Bravo!!

A Winner!, September 17, 2009
Eric Garrison gives us a delightful book full of down-to-earth, practical advice for lovers. The writing is witty and wise with plenty of solid content from his clinical experience plus humor and levity because, after all, it is just SEX we're talking about--it's supposed to be fun. I'm finding the book thoroughly engaging, smart and loaded with plenty of things I didn't know about. As a sacred sex educator, I would recommend it to anyone interested in learning some new tricks and expanding their sexual repertoire. Lisa Schrader, author, Kama Sutra 52: A Year's Worth of the Best Positions for Passion and Pleasure.

A healthy, informative, and fun read!, February 11, 2010
As a college student in a young relationship, talking about sex and initiating new positions can be uncomfortable; however, Eric Garrison has the uncanny ability to make readers feel comfortable exploring their bodies and experimenting with sex in new ways. By using clever metaphors, tasteful language and pictures, Garrison has created a fun, easy-to-read manual that readers can relate to. The book is devoted to both his AND her pleasure, which makes it a great read for couples. Garrison also incorporates difficulty ratings, safety information, and advice that help couples work their way up to more challenging positions. My most favorite thing about the book: the advice is healthy and real. The author acknowledges that mistakes happen and encourages readers to laugh them off and try again--practice makes perfect, and you'll enjoy a whole lot of fun along the way!

AASECT minded review, November 23, 2009
Mastering Multiple Position Sex: Mind-Blowing Lovemaking Techniques That Create Unforgettable Orgasms. By Eric Garrison. Quiver, 2009.191 pgs Paperback, $19.99.

Sexuality counselor Eric Garrison's first book, Mastering Multiple Sex Positions, scrumptiously illustrates systematic methods to advance your bedroom experience. While spending years of guiding his clients through healthy integration of their sexual expression, Garrison was in his own process of integration, of sexual expression in this fresh how-to approach for satisfying sex. I opened the bright, royally colored book, taking my page-by-page, sweet time, my mouth slightly ajar. Pictures - the wonderfully arousing pictures - grace each section in explanatory detail. Closing my mouth at the sensation of salivation, I found my way to the couch, content to take my time getting to know the ins and outs of Garrison's work. His voice speaks loudest to the youthful heterosexual couple, which is echoed by the photographs. Garrison individually gauges the difficulty level in his suggestions for bodily intense sexual maneuvers. He also transitionally arranges sexual sequences to allow for optimal time, sensation, and intimacy for couples. In terms of value, the book is a treasure chest of enjoyment for couples looking to update, explore, and experience one another abundantly. Health professionals now have a new, refreshing tool to use in therapy, as well as to be taken home as homework for clients.

Reviewer info.
Charlotte Franklin, new to the book review side of marketing, is a pro sex Marriage & Family therapist, specializing in sexual addiction. She currently works in New York City. An ASSECT member, she is working towards licensure and ASSECT accreditation.

The best book I've seen on the subject!!!, November 8, 2010
I would highly recommend this book. Not only is it written very intelligently, but the author is also quite humorous. The advice is all very sound while still fun to read and the photography throughout the book is both artfully done and amazingly sexy! The couples that modeled for the shoot are absolutely gorgeous and really help pull the whole package together. ... Read more

Editorial Review

This mesmerizing exploration of the most subtle, elusive, and effective form of power is a masterful analysis of civilization's greatest seducers, from Cleopatra to JFK, as well as the classic literature of seduction from Freud to Kierkegaard and Ovid to Casanova. Robert Greene once again identifies the rules of a timeless, amoral game and explores how to cast a spell, break down resistance, and, ultimately, compel a target to surrender. Presenting the timeless profiles of each type of seducer and the twenty-four maneuvers that will guide you step by step in the game of seduction, The Art of Seduction is an indispensable primer of persuasion that reveals the timeless power of this age-old art. ... Read more

Reviews

Better the devil you know..., September 17, 2003
This unusual text can be viewed from many points of view. On one level, the author's intentions are at best quite disturbing, because the texts theme has definite anti-social undertones. Deception, manipulation, exploitation of peoples weaknesses to achieve selfish ends has no moralistic value whatsoever; in fact the whole idea of preying on a 'victims' weaknesses in order to position them within your power, to then sexually dominate and influence them to your wiles and wishes, is a deplorable concept anyway you view it. Then again, from another perspective, the numerous techniques of seduction that Green instructs the reader on, supplying a plethora of examples from history and Western and Eastern literature, can teach us to be wary, or at least aware of certain individuals unscrupulous methods to attain what they desire. As the old saying goes, "Better the devil you know, than the one you don't."

The lessons on seduction, at bottom, can really only work if one's targeted victim has some weakness or vulnerability of character. (Green warns to stay away from confident, grounded individuals) Through subtly stalking your intended victim, listening to their every word, stroking their ego, thus discovering their weakness, you can then supply the necessary requirement, whether it be excitement, adventure, danger, loving parenting, add a little time and patience, your victim will eventually fall under your spell. This particular strategy of discovering weakness, focusing on needs, and appealing to an individual's ego, is as old as the pyramids themselves. What's interesting, however, is that this strategy works and continues to be used by individuals and organizations everywhere - but we continue to fall for the scam. And do not be fooled by Green's language and impressive erudite examples from the great works of literature - a scam is a scam no matter how you communicate it.

The text itself is a play on seduction. Green uses the two most seductive and sought after aspects of our existence to reel us into his tutorial: sex and power. None of us want to be victims, in fact we all want to dominate, be the winners, gratify our base and exalted desires. Do you want to unknowingly be seduced or be the seducer? The answer, of course, is evident. Green knows this and uses this strategy by proposing that he can give us an edge, supplying the means to attain our every desire.

In the end, after reading this text from cover to cover, I asked myself the question, what did I learn? What I learned is that certain individuals and organizations will go to any lengths, ethically or otherwise, to dominate others and get what they want. All things considered, it is better to know than to not know, no matter how unsavoury the subject matter.

A Radical Psychological Expose, March 10, 2007
For romantic persuasion studies to treacherous seduction, Greene's historical tale here is a work of art. This is a sardonic, yet often profound view of the use of persuasion, influence and manipulation for personal benefit. This book is a synthesis of philosophy and psychology, and is paradigm breaking. Freud must have had a similar unnerving effect on his contemporaries when he discussed premises for behavior that were previously not part of social discourse. The author expands his global metaphor of "life as war" from his book the 48 Laws of Power into love and spirituality. This piece may be the most effective tool in today's culture, but it certainly is an interesting study. Numerous conflict and struggle analysis, and subliminal persuasion techniques to exploit situations.

The first half of the book identifies a number of infamous seductive characters over the centuries, and identifies the unique characteristics of each personality. The second half describes the seduction techniques they used, and the likely personality types they would most effectually be used against.

For the modern Casanova, Greene's seduction stories are a bit dated and chivalrous to translate into a modern day pick up artist, but highlights how the great seducer's of the past used their persuasion and charms to their advantage.

As far as the modern era, a comparable effective book for sexual influence, toying and subconscious steering of ones emotions to lure in women, I suggest The Professional Bachelor Dating Guide - How to Exploit Her Inner Psycho.

Besides being a great comedy, it encompasses very effective persuasion tactics and NLP to seduce the subconscious of each of a dozen personality types, who, let's be realistic, want to be seduced, or they wouldn't allow it to happen.

Seduce Anyone, November 11, 2002
This is the best book on seduction ever! Some reviewers argue that Greene doesn't make the seductive process clear enough and that these tactics will not work in every situation. Well, you can't seduce everyone, but I find that whether you suceed or fail usually depends on your observation skills and on how well you implement the tactics. You have to be innovative. No one book can tell you how to seduce every single person in every single situation. For example, one reviewer said that these tactics will not help you seduce someone you're already friends with. Yes you can--I've done it twice! The key is getting the person to see you in a new light:
Step 1. Put distance between you and your target. Don't tell her you're distancing yourself, just do it! If your friend likes you she will miss you. If she was just saying "Let's be friends" and doesn't care for you at all, she'll still feel your absence because your loss of interest will wound her ego--that's important.
Step 2. Be different. Alter your appearance, make friends with new types of people, sculpt your body, develop new interests, and date as many people as you can. Try to date only those who are at least as attractive as your target, otherwise she'll look down on you.
Step 3. Reintroduce yourself to your target. Don't approach her directly. It's important that she now come to you. If you haven't talked to her in a while, she may have forgotten about you. That's not necessarily a bad thing--maybe the old you was forgettable. But it's a good idea to have maintained an indirect connection with your girl. Maybe you are an aquaintance of one of her friends. Chat with that person occasionally (Don't mention the friend you'll be seducing!) and that person will probably give your target updates about you. Or maybe you work in the same office or have the same circle of friends. In that case, she can witness changes in you first hand. Remember, however, that if you have to see your target regularly it is all the more important to maintain an emotional distance until you're ready for the seduction to really begin. If your girl suspects that you're improving yourself for her or that you're trying to make her jealous, all your hard work will be destroyed.
Now you can reintroduce yourself in one of several ways:
a) Haunt her periphery by attending the places she attends without taking much notice of her, making her come to you.
b) Play the "coquette," seeming interested then disinterested, interested then disinterested.
c) arrange a "chance" meeting. I like this one.
d) befriend or date a friend of hers.

Once she starts to think she didn't know you as well as she thought she did and displays a little interest in the new you, you can start over again and use the tactics in Greene's book. Greene's book never outlined how to seduce someone you've been friends with for a long time. I devised this strategy based on the tactics outlined in "The Art of Seduction." Like I said, it's work twice for me. The first friend became so enamoured that I had to break up with her after only a few weeks. She was smothering me! But I am still dating the second girl and it's great. If you balk at the idea of doing all this just to win someone over, consider that she may not be worth winning over after all, or that you might not be much of a Casanova. But I think that all this effort will actually make you a better man (or woman since this strategy should work on a guy too.) Happy hunting!

Not for the faint of heart., July 5, 2005
If you are just looking for a good book to help you get laid with minimal effort, then put this book down. There are books that are much easier and will get you results much faster. This book is not about getting easy pussy at a bar or strip joint. It is about helping a person fall deeply in love with you, and this is better. A person in lust for you is wild and not concerned about you. A person in love with you will go to the ends of the earth for you.

If you have very little background in psychology and/or philosophy, put this book down because you're not ready to understand it yet. It is an incredible book and I hope you don't get turned off because you're not prepared to read it.

If you are a die hard, conservative Christian moralist who is happy with their life and belief system, then PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE put this book down. Your beliefs will change to some extent, I promise, regardless of how strong you think they are. And if they don't you'll just be filled with dissonant emotions when you really understand what the Bible means when it says the world can be a terrible place.

On the other hand, if you are intelligent, observant, and patient then this is just simply an incredible read. You will see everything in this world with a new outlook. It will teach you the most intricate workings of human nature. Human nature is dark. Consider the following two biological facts:

1. A woman is likely to retain more sperm when she has an orgasm during sex.

2. A man's sperm is designed to kill the sperm of other men.

What does this mean? Women have been biologically hardwired to seek one man (the Alpha male) to be the sperm donor and to seek out another to raise the kid (the Beta male). Sorry folks, nature is just that dark. And this book has exactly the same kind of dark twists. It explains what makes people fall for other people, even if it is not so pure and wholesome. And though it is dark, it still is true, and there is beauty in truth.

This book will teach you how to play other people's emotions. This is a very important thing to learn. One cannot survive in this world without these skills. The most important thing people must realize about this book is that what is containes here is a dual edged sword. It most certainly can be used for evil. It does teach manipulation. But it also a book that can be used for good. With this kind of knowledge one can keep their partner happy for life. A seducer is a benevolent manipulator by definition.

For instance, if the seducer is really interested in mutual benefit, much useful learning will take place. A woman will learn that the most powerful way to keep her man happy is to be a sexual woman and a fun playmate. She will learn how to keep things spiced up with a few masculine psychological traits to appeal to masculine narcissism, deepen a man's love by giving him the gift of missing her. A man will learn how important it is to let his woman know how much he desires her and will also keep things spiced up with styling. Men and women can both learn how to keep people happy by being nondefensive and natural, to psychologically enrich others by being charismatic and charming, and to give and receive love as ideal lovers. And I've seen how much people who embody the psychological traits of the anti-seducer are despised by other people. The anti-seducer leaves people feeling diminished and hurt.

To summarize, it's hard, it's dark, and it can be used to wreak havoc in the lives of others. But most people don't want to hurt others. They want to live, and help other people live, better, happier more enriched lives in all ways. I truly believe that with the knowledge that is in this book, people can accomplish just that.

Use it wisely, young Jedi. The dark side of the force is much more seductive.

Profound, October 9, 2001
I have been waiting for this book for almost 2 years. It did not disappoint me. I found it to be a profound book, although not necessarily a pleasant book. It caused me to re-think my relationships, perhaps even re-think myself. The 48 Laws of Power is the "bible of power". This is less general but more profound, which may be why it is unnerving. I have stopped reading the Joost Elffers sidebars, although I might in the future when I want a more light-hearted experience. I read a lot of books. My library is embarrassingly large. However, I do have a mental list of the few books that I would take to the proverbial desert island. This is one of them, and it is ironic that I would do this even though there would be no one else on the island to seduce. This book is a synthesis of philosophy and psychology, and is paradigm breaking. Freud must have had a similar unnerving effect on his contemporaries when he discussed premises for behavior that were perviously not part of social discourse.

I did not find the book to be amoral or manipulative. I found it to have a different morality than that which is instilled in us by convention. The book celebrates non-possessive intimacy, and describes the mindset that is the prerequisite to such an experience. I am struggling for words to express this, but it is as if there were more than one dimension to a relationship, a human bonding. We are used to relationships that are symetrical in time and depth: they are either shallow and brief, or they are deep and eternal. Greene describes a variation that is brief and deep. This is what differentiates this book from the tawdry.

Power to be used for good or for evil..., May 19, 2005
That all are suduced by something becomes plain after thinking carefully through this book. Used in it's wider definition, one can be seduced by the peacefulness afforded by contact with a saint. Rather than fear the power of seduction, I think it better to understand seduction (the art and the technique), and then use it for good influence and be wary of it's use against me and my loved ones for ill means.

This book helped me understand some of my more destructive behavior in such a way that I feel less inclined...sort of turned on the lights so that I can see the magician's mirrors and silk thread so that the seduction loses some of it's power.

At the same time, understanding seduction helps me maintain the interest of those whom I love (a good thing for both of us since I mean no harm).

A similar classic book, "Influence," by Robert Cialdini--who infiltrated a wide variety of occupations (from waiters to Krishna members) to study how sales are made--shares the same disturbing quality: the information is so powerful it could be used for good or for destructive purposes.

If for no other purpose than self defense, I'll re-read this one occasionally. If I'm ever married again, this book will take on even more significance: Satisfying and being satisfied by one woman for many years takes much more skill in seduction than does attracting a variety of short-lived friendships.

Charles Runels, MD
Author of "Anytime...for as Long as You Want: Strength, Genius, Libido, & Erection by Integrative Sex Transmutation"

Knowledge is Power, January 22, 2004
I was a little skeptical of this book when I first got it but I was pleasantly surprised. The author really seems to have studied history and psychology very deeply. His insights into the unconscious drives and archetypes are spectacular.

This book is not just a primer for wannabe Casanova's but also good for defensive purposes. When I got this book I was actually under "attack" by a would-be seducer. Had this enchanting young lady only wanted sex there wouldn't have been a problem, but she wanted to enslave me for other reasons. This book allowed me to see what was going on and enabled me to break the spell before it was too late.

If you want to use the knowledge in this book for your own seductions keep in mind that it takes a great deal of self-discipline to seduce someone. You must be master of yourself first before you can master someone else. It is very difficult for instance to do a strategic "withdraw" from the object of your desire when every fiber of your being wants to be with them. But if you can control yourself and trust the process I think the knowledge in this book can help anyone seduce the object of his or her desire.

"My God,it's full of stars", January 3, 2002
...
This book explains the psychology of seduction. With examples throughout history it shows what works, and what doesn't. It doesn't start from the humanistic premise that all people are generally good, but from the biblical idea that "all men are evil" and will do evil. This makes the book downright devilish, and extremely practical and useful.
Approach indirectly, play the coquette, mix pleasure with pain, insinuate, "Use the demonic power of words to sow confusion", be hard to figure out. These are just some examples and this stuff works.
This is a handbook on manipulation. Although it can also be used to avoid being manipulated (very usefull, indeed).
Do yourself a favor, learn from the past, not only your past but the past of peoples from the dawn of time. This book was worth every cent.

A diva/seductress is humbled..., January 22, 2005
This book will change your life--if you're ready for it. I actually bought this book 4 months ago, but never read it. It was just a conversation piece I'd have in my bookshelf. I flipped through the pages and think, "This is really intense." Then I'd put it back on the shelf and read something else. It wasn't until I received it as a gift from my best friend that I actually had the courage to sit down and absorb what lay inside.

This book is perfect for those who are overly romantic, hypersensitive, and think that love is an "all or nothing" quantity. I am all three. :) Or at least I was. The author of this book is brilliant (and did a LOT of homework judging by the material both in the body of the text as well as in the margins). I was impressed (and intimidated) by the density of the book--which is probably why I didn't want to read it at first. It took me about an hour to read 10 pages (not "skim," but "READ"). But I couldn't put it down because I felt that whatever I didn't get to read was making my present-day actions incomplete. (Yup. It's that powerful.)

I devoted a solid week of my time to reading this book (and yes, I do have a job--and a life). It was just that good. I'm actually reading it a second time to make sure what I gleaned remains in my mind. It helps if you're somewhat of an educated individual, though. Some mythological references stirred up things I had learned in middle and high school, so I had to constantly refresh my memory and think, "Oh yeah! I remember that story!"

If you open this book and find it daunting, then you're not ready for it. Simple. But when you are ready for it (or when a third party who loves you and knows you well believes you're ready), you won't want to put it down. It's an amazing text which completely altered how I view both myself and the world around me. If you're open to change, this is the book for you. If not, then you'll probably be a seducer's willing victim somewhere down the road. :)

"You think you know, but you have no idea..."

Interesting - Yes. Practical - No., July 21, 2004
If you are looking for a book for how to pick up that cute girl next to you in a bar ? this isn?t it.

The book is filled with examples of historical seducers and their techniques. However, the great majority of these historical characters are from the old royal courts of Europe. These people had two big advantages over the rest of us ? wealth, leisure time, and repeated exposure in social circles with the people they were trying to seduce. Many of the ?techniques? in here apply only when you see the person on a regular basis so you can work through a seduction.

How about the rest of us who typically have just a short while to convince that little honey next to us to give us their phone number? Not in this book. Read Regan?s Evolution of a Warrior for that kind of skill.

In any case, I give the book a 5 for its historical content, a 2 for practical advise, and a zero for ethics. (It was a little distasteful to read the word ?victim? to refer to the object of one?s affection.)

Good luck?
... Read more

Editorial Review

Since Darwin's day, we've been told that sexual monogamy comes naturally to our species. Mainstream science--as well as religious and cultural institutions--has maintained that men and women evolved in families in which a man's possessions and protection were exchanged for a woman's fertility and fidelity. But this narrative is collapsing. Fewer and fewer couples are getting married, and divorce rates keep climbing as adultery and flagging libido drag down even seemingly solid marriages.
How can reality be reconciled with the accepted narrative? It can't be, according to renegade thinkers Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jeth�. While debunking almost everything we "know" about sex, they offer a bold alternative explanation in this provocative and brilliant book.
Ryan and Jeth�'s central contention is that human beings evolved in egalitarian groups that shared food, child care, and, often, sexual partners. Weaving together convergent, frequently overlooked evidence from anthropology, archaeology, primatology, anatomy, and psychosexuality, the authors show how far from human nature monogamy really is. Human beings everywhere and in every era have confronted the same familiar, intimate situations in surprisingly different ways. The authors expose the ancient roots of human sexuality while pointing toward a more optimistic future illuminated by our innate capacities for love, cooperation, and generosity.
With intelligence, humor, and wonder, Ryan and Jeth� show how our promiscuous past haunts our struggles over monogamy, sexual orientation, and family dynamics. They explore why long-term fidelity can be so difficult for so many; why sexual passion tends to fade even as love deepens; why many middle-aged men risk everything for transient affairs with younger women; why homosexuality persists in the face of standard evolutionary logic; and what the human body reveals about the prehistoric origins of modern sexuality.
In the tradition of the best historical and scientific writing, Sex at Dawn unapologetically upends unwarranted assumptions and unfounded conclusions while offering a revolutionary understanding of why we live and love as we do. ... Read more

Reviews

Sexy Beasts, July 4, 2010

This review originally appeared in Seed Magazine: http://seedmagazine.com/content/article/sexy_beasts/

When we think of the first swinger parties most of us imagine 1970s counter-culture, we don't picture Top Gun fighter pilots in World War II. Yet, according to researchers Joan and Dwight Dixon, it was on military bases that "partner swapping" first originated in the United States. As the group with the highest casualty rate during the war, these elite pilots and their wives "shared each other as a kind of tribal bonding ritual" and had an unspoken agreement to care for one another if a woman's husband didn't make it back home. Like the sexy apes known as bonobos, this kind of open sexuality served a social function that provided a way to relieve stress and form long-lasting bonds.

For the husband and wife team Christopher Ryan and Cacilda Jeth� in their new book Sex At Dawn, this example is one of many that suggests the human species did not evolve in monogamous, nuclear families but rather in small, intimate groups where "most mature individuals would have had several ongoing sexual relationships at any given time." We are the descendants of these multimale-multifemale mating groups and, even though we've constructed a radically different society from our hunter-gatherer forebears, the behavioral and psychological traits our species evolved in the distant past still manifest themselves today. Ryan, a psychologist, and Jeth�, a psychiatrist, argue that understanding human sexual evolution this way helps to explain our species' unique creativity inside (as well as outside) the marriage bed. It may also shed light on why fidelity has been such a persistent problem for both men and women throughout recorded history.

For Ryan and Jeth� there is little doubt that human beings are an exceedingly sexual species. As an example they detail how in 1902 the first home-use vibrator was patented and approved for domestic use in the United States. Fifteen years later there were more vibrators than toasters in American homes (today this number could be as high as fifty million nationwide). In 2006, according to U.S. Pornography Industry Revenue Statistics, people around the world--the majority of whom were probably men--spent an estimated $97 billion on pornographic material ($13.3 billion in the U.S. alone), a figure that exceeded the annual revenue of Microsoft, Google, Amazon, eBay, Yahoo!, Apple, and Netflix combined. To judge human sexuality based on consumption patterns, as Stephen Colbert would say, "the market has spoken." When this is combined with estimates that people engage in hundreds, and sometimes thousands, of copulations per child born (more than any primate, including chimpanzees and bonobos) there's little denying that the human animal is one sexy beast.

But why should a species often described as monogamous be so hypersexual? Monogamous animals by definition don't have to compete for reproduction and, as a result, are generally characterized by a low level of sexual activity. But according to Ryan and Jeth� humans top a very short list of species that engage in sex for pleasure. "No animal spends more of its allotted time on Earth fussing over sex than Homo sapiens," they write. In fact, the animal world is filled with species who confine their sexual behavior to just a few periods each year, the only times when conception is possible. Among apes the only monogamous species are the gibbons whose infrequent, reproduction-only copulations make them much better adherents of the Vatican's guidelines than we are. In this way, Ryan and Jeth� argue, repressing our sexuality should not be confused with reining in an "animal" nature; rather, it is denying one of the most unique aspects of what it means to be human.

The suggestion that humans did not evolve as a monogamous species is not as radical an idea as it may sound. In The Descent of Man Charles Darwin wrote, "Those who have most closely studied the subject [particularly the anthropologist Lewis Henry Morgan] believe that communal marriage was the original and universal form throughout the world." Yet ever since the nineteenth century anthropologists have struggled over how to identify the mating system of human beings. In 1967 George P. Murdock's Ethnographic Atlas reported that only 14.5% of modern preindustrial societies could be classified as monogamous. Yet, in the West, researchers commonly refer to humans as "serially monogamous," based on the pattern of repeated monogamous marriages throughout men and women's lifetimes. But with over half of divorces occurring because of infidelity and one in 25 dads unknowingly raising children that they didn't father, this is not a picture that fits comfortably with monogamy of any sort, serial or otherwise.

However, by looking at modern indigenous societies and comparing the findings of anthropologists with the latest results in behavioral psychology and biology, Ryan and Jeth� piece together a remarkably coherent pattern from an otherwise fractured understanding of human sexuality. From societies that believe that multiple men are necessary for a successful pregnancy (what researchers refer to as "partible paternity") to those where not having an extra-marital tryst will cause a man to be labeled "stingy of one's genitals" by his female suitors, the authors conclude that marriage may be an established social arrangement among many hunter-gatherers but it's one in which sexuality is decidedly fluid. A range of physiological evidence from Western populations is further offered to support this position, from the year-round libido in both sexes, to the unusually large size of men's genitalia compared to other apes, to the shifting sexual strategy during various stages in women's reproductive cycle (and lest we forget multiple female orgasms?). All suggest that our species is adapted for several concurrent sexual partners.

This is, of course, not a new idea in human evolutionary research. Primatologist Sarah Hrdy advocated a promiscuous mating system for humans in The Woman That Never Evolved (1999) while psychologist David Barash and psychiatrist Judith Lipton detailed their own argument in The Myth of Monogamy (2001). In Sex At Dawn Ryan and Jeth� cover some similar ground as these previous authors but provide a great deal of additional material that was unavailable a decade ago. They also emphasize the ways in which monogamy has been used as a means of controlling women in patriarchal societies and make a number of insightful connections between the invention of agriculture 12,000 years ago and how sedentary societies influence the structure of human mating. However, with a relaxed writing style and numerous examples from modern popular culture, their discussion of these topics remains readily accessible even to those who may be encountering such ideas for the first time.

Sex At Dawn is a provocative and engaging synthesis of the latest research on human sexual evolution that has the added benefit of being a joy to read. While the authors' conclusion that healthy relationships can be both committed and open may come as a shock to some readers, others will likely find it refreshingly honest. As their example of WWII fighter pilots emphasizes, human sexuality has numerous social as well as emotional functions and there has never been only a single path chosen by the human species. In offering a fresh look at a fascinating and controversial topic Sex At Dawn is a book sure to generate discussion, and one likely to produce more than a few difficult conversations with family marriage counselors.

Eric Michael Johnson received his masters degree in primate behavior and is now pursuing his PhD in the history of science. He writes on issues of science, politics, and history at The Primate Diaries.

A real mind-bender, July 11, 2010
This was a terrific read -- a sweeping (and well written, and funny) look at recent anthropological, zoological, and biological research all leading to a mind-bender of a conclusion: our prehistoric ancestors were wall-to-wall horndogs, men and women alike, with "multi-male/multi-female" sexual relations the likely norm for 95 percent of anatomically modern humans' existence. The nuclear family centered on a pair-bonded husband and wife, and the monogamy that comes with it, probably only date to the last 8,000-10,000 years, since the advent of agriculture.

Ryan and Jeth� dismantle the more common Men-are-from-Mars, Women-are-from-Venus view -- i.e. men have a biological imperative to impregnate as many women as possible while keeping their wives monogamous so they (the men) support only their own genetic offspring, while women want to bond with wealthy, high-status males for their resources, but also to sleep around with the bad boys for their genes. R&J make a strong case that this sort of arrangement could only make sense in post-agricultural societies where concepts of property and paternal lineage become important, but that it would be meaningless in the hunter-gatherer groups that were the only form of human society for almost 200,000 years. When they get into the section on "sperm competition," things get reaaaally trippy.

The book kind of leaves you hanging as far as what this information means for modern humans, but that's probably a virtue. We have after all changed quite a bit from prehistoric times, and it's not as though our evolutionary history has to dictate our moral or social behavior today. Nowhere do the authors say everybody should walk out of their marriages and form hippie communes or anything like that. Instead, they say their goal is to start a conversation -- about sex, and how our prehistoric urges may help explain why so many people have trouble staying with one partner over their whole lives. It's a conversation-starter, all right.

I was tempted to take one star away because I felt throughout like they weren't presenting opposing views in the best light, but hey, it's a polemic. And it's a fun one, too. So let the arguments begin.

A book I wished was even more detailed!, July 2, 2010
"Cheating Rumors Fly About 'The Bachelor''s fianc�e": this pops up as I log on to type this. Why do Jake and Vienna spark headlines-- until the next couple, next week? What lures them to stray? After nearly two million years in the making, must we roam as randily as our bonobo cousins? After a hundred centuries of civilization and two millennia of convention, why hasn't monogamy won us over?

Psychologist Christopher Ryan and psychiatrist Cacilda Jeth� present their findings about the prehistoric roots of our sexuality. They counter colleagues, clerics, and counselors who demand fidelity as our inborn, "natural" order. Ryan and Jeth� assert that we carry within us another urge as we generate generations. "Multiple mating" occupied (at least) 95% of our ancestral experience. This replaces the accepted account in academia for men as "serial monogamists." For millions of years, most of our male and female predecessors "had several sexual relationships at any given time."(12)

Ryan and Jeth� argue that we carry these patterns from foragers, who shared mates as they did goods and as they raised their young. It took a village to raise a child because any fertile father or mother in the village might have created that child. Before the fetishizing of paternity that accompanied the rise of agriculture, the surplus of wealth, and the imposition of fidelity to legitimize inheritance, foragers imprinted their wayward ways within us. The authors show why we, like Jake and Vienna, keep losing the battle of the sexes-- as if "cheating" can ever win us the dating and mating game-- against the innate urge to share ourselves intimately.

Part One explains why Darwin lacked sexual insight, and how Victorian inhibitions and his wife's censorship prevented biologists from advancing their own understanding of primate prototypes and parallels for human sexuality. Part Two applies anthropology. The authors dismiss "Flintstonization," our "widespread tendency to project contemporary cultural proclivities into the distant past."(32) Scientists who insist on "innate monogamy" perpetuate a primal myth similar to the Fall of Adam and Eve: "sexual deceit, prohibited knowledge, and guilt."(35)

The "double standard" of a caddish male and jealous female tells but half the story. It cuts out the woman's leading role as the mistress of her own reproductive and romantic fate. Helen Fisher and similarly acclaimed authorities "begin by assuming that long-term sexual monogamy forms the nucleus of the one and only natural, eternal human family structure and reason backwards from there."(75)

Instead, Ryan and Jeth� emphasize in our desires and design a "natural structure." They advance a model of "diffuse nurturing," with all men called father and all women as mother. Such societies exist among today's foragers. "Could it be that the atomic isolation of the husband-wife nucleus with an orbiting child is in fact a culturally imposed aberration for our species -- as ill-suited to our evolved tendencies as corsets, chastity belts, and suits of armor?" (109) Might other familiar headlines-- of exhausted parents, broken families, and hostile children-- "be predictable consequences of what is, in truth, a distorted and distorting family structure inappropriate for our species?"

Using cross-cultural comparisons with foragers, Ryan and Jeth� disprove any "universal" model of family structure or sexual behavior. "Societies in which women have lots of autonomy and authority tend to be decidedly male-friendly, relaxed, tolerant, and plenty sexy." (133) Men and women can get along, after all, if power and decision-making complement one another.

Why have such models been ignored or opposed? Western academics filter them through biases towards patriarchy; they perceive a matriarchy by distorting a mirror image that no society has been able to match. Ryan and Jeth� correct this "confirmation bias" that leads scholars to look for "pair-bonding" as equivalent to lifelong marriage. They remind us how "mate" and "mating" convey, as does "love," (or "sleeping with" or "making love") our own socially constructed phenomena. Inspired by sociobiologist E.O. Wilson, the authors confirm that "human sexuality developed primarily as a bonding mechanism in interdependent bands where paternity certainty was a nonissue." (149) Many women in foraging societies never needed to barter their favors for child care, protection, food, or male fidelity.

Part Three detours into material foundations for such societies, not as we assume so poor, nasty, brutish, or short in lifespan (as Hobbes famously defined the primitive state). Communal belonging likely produced for many of our forebears less stress than we suffer. Conflicts could be avoided or neutralized.

An ancestral, open, relaxed sexuality gave way, with agriculture and wealth accumulation, to more toil, greater disease, and endemic inequality. Men enforced "an exchange of protein and protection for assured paternity." (99) We lost, as we turned civilized, our "innate capacity for love and generosity." Perhaps we bargained it away for refrigeration and dentistry, but we also produced slavery, discrimination, pain imposed upon women, and institutionalized fear of their sexual sway.

Part Four shifts back to our physical design. Why do we sexually endure a "symmetry of dual disappointment"? "It's as if we've been sitting down to dinner together, millennium after millennium, but half of us can't stop wolfing everything down in a few frantic, sloppy minutes, while the other half are still setting the table and lighting candles." (245)

Ingredients for boiling males and simmering females stir deep inside us. The authors teach us how we're engineered for "sperm competition" by penile streamlining, female capacity for multiple orgasm, and "female copulatory vocalization" as a way for letting the neighbors know that while one suitor might be soon spent, others might wait their roll on the savanna. By "sequential sex," the ready and willing woman could receive her multiple mates. Their ejaculated "post-copulatory" contributions maximized at a "cellular level" her fertility. Her body by "choosing among potential fathers" at a mechanical, non-conscious level of paternity -- as researchers now comprehend -- deepens profoundly the meaning of "natural selection."

This book moves briskly, but not all the sections show strong transitions. I sense Ryan's jocular tone balances his partner Jeth�'s sober data. Their chapters cram dense learning with a lively array of anecdotes and statistics on this endlessly engaging topic. You will learn how Pope John XXI died, whither the preference for "gangbang" over "reverse gangbang" among adult online offerings, why women's sense of smell may be better than men's, hear Mark Twain's rejoinders to morality, and tally Tiger Woods' scorecard. Despite casual organization, the verve and range of Ryan and Jeth�'s study ambitiously challenges norms of evolutionary psychologists.

The authors wonder if we might be moving into polyamorous relationships again today, as the nuclear family weakens. Instinctive patterns rewarding a non-moralized, positive promiscuity may in time, once and if our morality adapts, replace our rigid monogamy. They suggest sexual openness as an alternative to either male-female monogamy or the other configuration for "long-term pair bonding" as accepted by scientists in "the standard narrative," that of polygyny-- one man, many women.

Most adults lived in small bands, no more than "Dunbar's number" of 150, for nearly all of our evolution. Trusting their clan, people indulged several sexual relationships at once. This cohesive pattern endures in primitive societies studied today. While agriculture and privatization of property led to its suppression among ancient and modern cultures, its model of "open sexuality unencumbered by guilt or shame" offers us a rationale for Jake and Vienna's split. Part Five answers why even when bonded to one partner, couples may seek satisfaction elsewhere.

"Erotic plasticity" uncouples females from the male tendency, after a brief chance for open identity in their formation, to conform to a homosexual or heterosexual norm. Females throughout their lives show more acceptance of "variety and change" in mates of either sex. Males crave "necessary spice" -- if sprinkled by a partner in a different kitchen. Homosexuals (in too-rapid an authorial aside), persist due to a simple desire for bonding, one that can elude reproductive demands.

Couples seek emotional and sexual adventure so affairs go on; non-monogamy need not equate with debauchery. Our dominant culture that refuses to entertain "swingers" as other than as on a '70s sitcom episode suppresses even its therapists. Nowadays, when few would convince a gay man or lesbian to stop being such, our experts keep demanding divorce or "death-do-us part" as the only solutions to the embedded boredom, dissatisfaction, and incompatibility within many a "conventional marriage." The bonds of wedlock can be loosened, Ryan and Jeth� whisper, without being broken.

"Novelty itself is the attraction," they insist, for male resistance to "monotomy," monogamy added to matrimony. They tell female readers this is an inexorable result of what another equation sums up in Spanish, where "esposas" means "wife" -- and "handcuffs." Where does this leave those vowed as pair-bonded? Ryan and Jeth� hope this book will "provoke the sorts of conversations that make it a bit easier for couples to make their way across this difficult emotional terrain together, with a deeper, less judgmental understanding of the ancient roots of these inconvenient feelings and a more informed, mature approach to dealing with them." (305)

They don't dispense pat predictions about how "a more relaxed and tolerant approach to fidelity" might play out. A glance at polyamorous families and a remonstrance to therapists who force couples into "love it or leave it" hints at how this struggle towards acceptance might happen -- and how vehement the opposition might well be. Ryan and Jeth� compare the slow advances granted to gay rights and same-sex marriage. Ryan and Jeth� realize the odds against such tolerance attained by advocates of "free love," however ethically conceived by those daringly liberated.

Ryan and Jeth� urge us "to seek peace with the truths of human sexuality." (310) They conclude this book with a (too brief) look at alternatives few promote even among the psychological and psychiatric professions. "But this we know: vehement denial, inflexible religious or legislative dictate, and medieval stoning rituals in the desert have all proved powerless against our prehistoric predilections."

They glimpse a future oriented towards love, cooperation, and generosity. Still, I reckon that, even in the most liberated of communities, free minded folks may likely hide their "low-key alternatives to standard, off-the-shelf monogamy." (308) Unlike our lusty ancestors, most mature moderns seem to draw the curtains, dim the lights, and lower the volume of "copulatory vocalizations." At least in my neighborhood.

Against social and cultural odds, Ryan and Jeth� propose that we embrace a sexuality that does not diminish the energies wired into our essential selves. It might be too late for Jake and Vienna to kiss and make up. Savvier readers of this book -- rather than that headline -- may, however, reconcile themselves with these perplexing instincts, bred into us by our wandering progenitors over millions of years.

Riddled with errors and omissions, October 4, 2010
Ryan wants readers to think that he is challenging culturally imposed ideas of 'natural' monogamy in humans and revealing our supposed natural promiscuity. But then he attacks evolutionary psychology that also points out that humans are not naturally monogamous because, he says, they paint this promiscuity as a battle of the sexes when, he says, there is no natural battle between the sexes.

There are so many errors in this book it is difficult to know where to start. Ryan does not understand sexual selection and the significance of differential reproductive success or its reality. There are vast amounts of robust evidence supporting sexual selection but the author does not appear to have understood it. And increasing evidence for sexual conflict over mating. See eg:Sexual Conflict: (Monographs in Behavior and Ecology)

When the author gets to apes he then gets more things wrong. For example, he has mis-read and mis-represents relations between communities of chimpanzees. He confuses the fact that female chimpanzees (like bonobos) leave their natal group to breed in a different group with non-violent relations between the communities. All group-living animals have one or both sexes transferring elsewhere to breed. He twists this to make the totally erroneous point that relations between communities of chimpanzees are therefore not violent/antagonistic. If he had read the literature he would have realized that males stay in their natal group and there are never friendly interactions between males from different communities. Not even in bonobos. That bonobo females may socialize across communities when they meet is because they likely will have been born or spent some time in these other groups or will in the future. The males have not.
Also, the Tai study which showed females mating outside their breeding community has since been put down to error in DNA testing (Vigilant, Hofreiter, Seidel and Boesch, 2001, "Paternity and relatedness in wild chimpanzee communities")

The wider issue of the misrepresentation of bonobo sexual behavior also really needs to be addressed. Chimpanzee and bonobo females have been shown to copulate about the same number of times over time but for chimpanzees it is concentrated in narrower windows while for bonobo it is spread out especailly in the long interbirth interval between fertile periods. And bonobo sexuality per se has been vastly exaggerated - most of it is nothing more than a very brief touching of genitals - we, like chimpanzees, hug rather than stroke the genitals.
There is no evidence to support a bonobo-type sexual bonding in females in human prehistory, weak male bonding, sexual interaction with infants, and the mother-son the strongest bond.

For balance see these Yale lectures on the "Evolution of Sex and Reproductive Strategies" at [...]
# Evolution of Sex and Reproductive Strategies
# Sex and Violence Among the Apes
# From Ape to Human


As for partible paternity, in the Ache, for example, early death of men is common and a child whose father dies is often killed so having more than one father is a practical matter that means there is a provider for a child. More than two different potential fathers is very bad for women and their children and the sex with more than the husband is normally kept very discreet and not openly tolerated. Hardly a system preferable to our own.

The misrepresentation of Mosuo culture is a disgrace.
See the [...] "myths and misperceptions":

"To set the record straight; while promiscuity is certainly not frowned on like it is in most other cultures, most Mosuo women tend to form more long-term pairings, and not change partners frequently. It might be better described as a system of "serial monogamy", wherein women can change partners, but tend to do so relatively rarely; and while with one partner, will rarely invite another. I've personally met many Mosuo who have had a "walking marriage" relationship with the same man for twenty or more years."

Also this from[...] "Description of the Mosuo Minority":

"It has been theorized that the "matriarchal" system of the lower classes may have been enforced (or at least encouraged) by the higher classes as a way of preventing threats to their own power. Since leadership was hereditary, and determined through the male family line, it virtually eliminated potential threats to leadership by having the peasant class trace their lineage through the female line. Therefore, attempts to depict the Mosuo culture as some sort of idealized "matriarchal" culture in which women have all the rights, and where everyone has much more freedom, are often based on lack of knowledge of this history; the truth is that for much of their history, the Mosuo "peasant" class were subjugated and sometimes treated as little better than slaves."

As for copulation calls, I suggest people read the literature for themselves. Chimpanzees are quite complex and signalling to females (avoiding the wrath of females) is important. Bonobos don't really have them. Monogamous species don't need them because they do not live in social groups which means that while there is no need to signal to other males there is also no need to signal to the mate that she prefers him or needs mate-guarding as their isolation makes that obvious.

It is quite probable that should a species live in multi-male/multi-female groups, form pair-bonds and have 'fathers' and mate-guarding that a female will use a copulation call to signal to her mate that he satisfies her, she does not want another, he's the best etc etc. Sperm competition exists when females cannot choose pre-copulation (there's a lot of sexual coercion in primates see eg Sexual Coercion in Primates and Humans: An Evolutionary Perspective on Male Aggression Against Females) ie are not able to reject males. The best form of sperm competition for males is to keep that of other males out of the female in the first place. The best form form females is to only mate with desired male(s) and not have to mate with all-comers.

If a species evolves pair-bonding within a multi-male/multi-female setting there is no reason to presume that a copulation call cannot be used to reassure the mate and to be used to inform others that it is a satisfactory and established pair-bond. I suspect that pair-bonded birds in colonies make their mating obvious to others with calls etc and are not inviting others. Females, if they have the opportunity, do not simply submit to being mated by all and sundry. It just happens that they often have not had the choice.

There are just too many things in this book where the author is either simply blinded by his wishful thinking or has an agenda and is deliberately being economical with the truth.

Ryan says he does not know what should be done with the information he presents. I have one suggestion LOL.
No, we are not monogamous. Neither are we naturally that fond of healthy eating, or restraint in consumerism or the selfish exploitation of our planet. Simply indulging our natural drives is hardly something to be proposed without serious understanding of factors which Ryan has failed to properly understand or present. The book is so unbalanced it is in danger of toppling out of the reader's hands.

What is true about any species is that's its future is its offspring. This book has a hell of a lot to say about the sexual gorging of adults and next to nothing to say about children. Interestingly, evolutionary biology describes the male (usually) as putting his efforts into mating and the female (usually) into parenting.
Ryan is clearly far more a predictable male serving the demands of selfish genes that are fighting for a future via sperm (rather than via eggs) than he could ever consciously realize or, no doubt, accept. But selfish genes are pretty good at fooling the body - and mind - of their temporary home.

A pretty good take-down of the standard "battle of the sexes" narrative, August 8, 2010
Not as scholarly as I would have liked, and mostly old news if you're already familiar with "evolutionary psych" or human behavioral ecology studies published in the last 5-10 years. A great take-down of Trivers' and others' antiquated theories about paternity certainty, male parental investment, and the idea that both modern and pre-historical women are manipulative cheats, only after your wallet, in general. They also went after social scientists that use their popularity and success to make weird, moralized statements about "the society should be..." (Steven Pinker and a whole bunch of "monogamous pair-binding"- pushers), which was a fun read, if, still, old news if you're already familiar.

Could have used another edit though. Rather than presenting itself as a totally scholarly book and repeating itself over and over again (presumably so single chapters could be read and you'd still get their overall point), I wish it would have lopped off about 50 pages of redundancies. I also wish they'd paid more credit to evolutionary psychologists who put themselves out there in the 80's and 90's, and paved the way for these kinds of discussions to be had, rather than trying to distance themselves from them. I have no problem agreeing with 95% of this book, 90% of Pinker, 99% of EO Wilson, 85% of the Mean Genes guys, and 90% of Matt Ridley, etc. There is no need to be TOO snarky.

Good Book but Over Hyped, July 14, 2010
This text can be summarized to the following: Using a reductionist approach, we can separate the societal and biological influences to sexuality. Once we have done this, we can look at parts of sex that may be contradictory to our own nature and try to assess how paleo-lithic man thought of sexuality and how our bodies were engineered by the forces of evolution. With this lens, we can examine modern sexuality and critique what the authors call the "standard narrative". Essentially, the book boils down to a chapter by chapter deconstruction and attempt at disproving said standard narrative.

This book is currently receiving an insane amount of hype; as if they are uncovering some great hidden secrets about human sexuality. I think Dan Savage even came out saying this is the greatest sexuality book since Kinsey. I disagree with these claims, clearly the book is interesting and presents strong arguments against the standard narrative. However, it is not uncovering anything particularly new or presenting any world-changing findings. Rather, the book is a collection of facts and anecdotes, trying to construct a counterexample against the standard narrative. In this function, the authors do a reasonably good job. There are a few times throughout the book, their examples are a bit contradictory; for example, early on, the authors throw out the idea of even considering apes other than chimps or bonobos as a way to prove monogamy. However, later on, they use baboons and other apes to argue specific points. This bothered me a bit.

The book is very well written and reads quite quickly despite its length. The only part that I felt was missing was a critique to their argument, perhaps a chapter responding to their arguments. However, I suppose there will be articles and replies to this book posted online for me to read.

If you are limited on time, I suggest reading all of Part 1 and all of Part 5. You can skim the other parts but keep in mind that the book is presenting arguments to debunk the standard narrative, not necessarily prove that any existing model of sexuality is right or wrong.

At least two-thirds should have been cut out, October 26, 2010
This book needs serious editing--it's unbelievably padded. You will read over and over and OVER again that humans are closer to bonobos (non-monogamous) than chimps and other primates (monogamous). The book spirals out of control with simplistic, unsupported, pop observations--even that there are supposed chartered planeloads of Japanese middle-aged women flying to Thailand to meet guys (I sort of doubt the accuracy of the image). The book starts out okay--and I liked the term "Flintstonization" for our projecting back of cultural biases, but the book degenerates into incredible padding, repetition, and apparently unsupported statements.

Secular History of Sex, August 16, 2010
As I age it becomes clear how little I know. Bonobo, sexuality relates to anthopology? I suspected that monogamy never worked for anyone I knew. Many say at my age, 83, they see a twinkle in my eye; I call it lust. My wife has to read this book. This is the best read I've ever had at helping me to understand myself. I'm not sure I could say the same if I was a woman. I wish I had others to share my thoughts with, but as of now, other than Dan Savage, I don't know anyone who has read this book. Are their people in the Chicago area interested in sharing their thoughts? Perhaps a group of kindred spirits?

Best book since The Myth of Monogamy, August 27, 2010
Until I read Sex and Dawn, the best book on the subject, in my opinion, was The Myth of Monogamy. I think this book takes the subject to a whole other level. As a lifelong student of sex and a psychologist, I have read all the best and worst. I dare say, it will be at least another decade before a book this good comes out. If you want to really challenge your culture and religion bound ideas about sex and sexuality, this book will do it. When you are finished, you will understand just how programmed we have been by our culture and how many choices we can make ourselves, once we recognize this. Don't let society, religion or culture determine your sexuality and sexual expression, make your own choices and enjoy the huge capacity for sex and enjoyment that all of us have as humans.

Dr. Darrel Ray, author of The God Virus: How Religion Infects Our Lives and Culture The God Virus: How religion infects our lives and culture

Another perspective, August 26, 2010
Sex At Dawn gives an alternative perspective to the standard narrative of how humans have evolved in a constantly changing world. I enjoyed the humor as well as the science that is packed into this book. Whether or not you agree with the conclusions made by the authors it will open your mind and give you something to think about; as well as excellent fodder for conversation. Enjoy! ... Read more

Editorial Review

365 SEX POSITIONS

Packed full of exciting, erotic and even acrobatic positions, 365 Sex Positions offers couples sizzling new ways to spice up their sex lives every day of the year. Open to any page and you'll discover a thrilling new position:

♦Feel the sensual beat all over with Tribal Rhythm

♦Bounce her to an awesome orgasm doing the Pogo

♦Flip him over for amazing 69 in the Chair Tryst

♦Balance her on a ball to hit the G-Spot Striker

♦Blast off to higher pleasure in the Lusty Launch

About the Author

Lisa Sweet is the author of numerous sexual instruction books and has had her writing published in newspapers and magazines in the United States, the United Kingdom, France and Australia. She lives in East Greenwich, Rhode Island. ... Read more

Reviews

Not that interesting- great dust collector, February 24, 2010
I've read the other reviews on this book and I suppose if I dig I can some merit in your statements. Candidly however, I know why I bought this book and it wasn't to look at pretty photos of other couples gettin' it on. I bought it so that my gf and I could further spice up our sex life. Please understand I am by no means bagging on the couples, or the photographer as the photos were done tastefully. My complaint: there was nothing new or creative here. What you will find instead are 365 days of probably a one dozen position and very mild variations of those same positions (probably more accurate: 6 general positions and then slight variations of those positions). I feel a better title would have been "position of the month that you already know +1!" :) Now you're thinking "this idiot doesn't know that if you move to the left you hit the g-spot," actually, yes I get that, but again, nothing inspiring to be found here. Also, perhaps being a male and not terribly into romance novels, but I don't need to read the words "sizzling" and "steamy" while trying to figure out if I'm suppose to put my left leg here, or my right elbow there. Just need to know what to do!

Bottom-line:

If you're looking for a bedroom book that's really going to add fire to your sex life, this isn't the one (we've looked at probably once or twice since ordering it, we were excited about it when it first arrived we sat down and went through each individual page, and seriously nothing to write home about, I think it's hanging out on a dresser in our closet). If you're interested in soft porn that you don't want to have to call porn, or you don't find your partner attractive and need to go to a special place by looking at someone who is attractive during sex, but don't want your partner to know what's really going through you mind, or filler romance novel style writing does something for you... yeah. if any of these three scenarios define your situation this is probably your book.

A Very Useful Sex Manual, February 1, 2010
365 Sex Positions aptly shows that there are many different ways for couples to connect ... a different technique for each day of the year. This is an astoundingly elegant production that is as utilitarian as it is beautiful. It's the perfect size at 6.5" x 5.5" (16.6cm x 14cm) so that it fits well into any nightstand or small, weekend travel bag. At almost an inch thick (1.8cm) and paperback it possesses the feel of a sturdy yet truly usable sex manual. It's easily searched and should stand up to the hundreds (or thousands) of times that it gets rifled through. Each page features a single photograph that goes from edge to edge filling up the page. The number (between 1-365), the name of the position, and a short easy-to-read description are embedded on each page. The text is poetic but essentially sticks to the factual information - which is a good thing. The featured heterosexual couples are showcased using a few accessory items such as a chair, a bed, an exercise ball, a table, and a stool. A vibrator also makes an appearance. But there really is nothing in here that the average household will not have or cannot provide a suitable substitute.

As the title suggests there are 365 positions presented. Many are variations of the standard missionary, rear-entry, and cowgirl positions but there are so many delightful moves that are unique unto themselves that boredom is an impossibility. Positions such as Ball Game (31), Full Throttle (97), and All Hands of Deck (231) are centered around genital play. The Flat Back (51) and Sword Swallower (146) cater to oral sex. Fantasy Island (189) is based entirely around him stroking and caressing her. Some like the Handstand (11) and the Amazing Arc (54) may prove to be too acrobatic for some. Fans of the classic 69 position will absolutely adore the variation titled, Sweet Seat (219). There is something here for every taste and athletic level and while some positions may not be the end-move for the session almost every position will prove to be at the very least an inspiring starter.

Aesthetically speaking, this book could not be better. It's lighting is very mood-oriented and features just enough darkness and shadow to make it interesting without hiding any of the essential aspects of the given position. Some manuals feature photos that seem overly clinical but this book hits just the right chord. And the couples featured are absolutely lovely without appearing overwhelming. They are easy on the eyes for sure, but the photography ensures that they are not centerpiece. It's about the position itself, not the personality of the subjects involved.

Forget all the other self-help books out there, if you want a REALLY happy New Year, this one actually shows you how to accomplish it on a daily basis.

Positions I LOVE, April 25, 2010
This book is a must have to spice up things in the bedroom. Both my partner and I have read it and LOVE it. We both tagged over 40 new positions that we want to try out! We kept running out of post-its. There are bed, furniture, chair, standing, and exercise ball positions. Sole and partner activities. We couldn't be happier with it. Yes some seem similar and some I would have to be an acrobat to do - it gave me over 200 new ideas... so I can't complain. Get this book and leave it next to your bed for some quick ideas in the bedroom.

Best Positions Book, February 21, 2010
This is the best Kama Sutra book out there. I highly recommend it to anyone and everyone who might need or want a little help in that department but it's also great for couples trying to rekindle their relationship or romance. The positions don't follow any kind of order or level of experience or mastery. So in that sense the book doesn't go in any kind of order. The photography is great, very tasteful and appealing.

Limber Up, July 20, 2010
Definately worth checking out but limber of first cause some of these arent for first timers

No quite what I expected, April 9, 2010
This book has tons of sex positions; however, many of them are almost exactly the same. Many of the positions are also so crazy that not many "normal" people could do them without hurting something. A lot of the positions in this book are just not even comfortable enough to do and by the time you are able to even get yourself in that position, the mood has just been ruined and your laughing at yourselves for even attempting to try it. If you want a lot of difficult positions to try, this is your book. After looking at this book, though, I feel like me and my significant other have probably tried all the most comfortable positions already and decided what we like without needing this book.

Small book, April 9, 2010
I was disapointed with the size of the book. I thought it would be a bit larger or at least the standard size of a book. The pictures are very nice but the background is dark so it makes it hard to see some of the poses clearly. The models that do the poses have beautiful bodies but some of the poses are a little unrealistic to do unless you are extremely flexible. Overall WE enjoyed looking it over and plan on incorporating the book into our fun in the bedroom. ... Read more

Editorial Review

As women everywhere will attest, men are "ill-cliterate." Most guys know more about what's under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. But in the world of She Comes First, the mystery of female satisfaction is solved and the tongue is proven mightier than the sword. According to sex therapist (and evangelist of the female orgasm) Ian Kerner, oral sex isn't just foreplay, it's coreplay: simply the best way to lead a woman through the entire process of arousal time and time again. Can you say "viva la vulva"?

Fun and informative, She Comes First is a virtual encyclopedia of female pleasure, detailing dozens of tried-and-true techniques for consistently satisfying a woman and ensuring that sexual fulfillment is mutual.

Reviews

Absolutely one of the best books on the subject, June 26, 2009
This book is one of the most extraordinary guidebooks in how to please a woman that I've ever read. It goes in depth and while very detailed does not get too technical. It's also very easy to understand and is very practical in the explanations. It's also very entertaining and most importantly, it works! This should be required reading for any man who wants to be better in the bedroom. Another really good book I read on this subject is Sex, Your Woman and You: How to Sexually Please Your Woman in the Bedroom and Beyond. It also has some really good information in it. Both of these books are extraordinarily helpful for any man out there who wants to become more skillful in this area.

Wow! She Does Come First!, July 7, 2008
My partner is the original John Wayne - to the core. And for him to read a "how to" book on anything just isn't going to happen. Well, he doesn't have a lot of experience in the art of pleasing a woman...you know, cowboys just get on and ride! Well, somehow, he heard about this book and has it ever made a difference. A difference in everything - our level of intimacy, our happiness, everything we do...we are now closer than ever before...and we're both in our 60's!

He first tried some of the techniques without telling me about the book. Well, it was wonderfully obvious to me that something had changed and for the better.

This past weekend, we sat together in bed and he showed me the book and we read exerpts that he had marked together. How wonderful is that! We've laughed and played and we have loved...and after all these years, I am now coming first - and for the first time! How glorious is that!

Thank you, Dr.Kerner!She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman

'The tongue is mightier than the sword', September 27, 2004
I have a curious mind and always have, so when I came across yet another book about cunnilingus I could not resist. I was especially intrigued when I saw the author was male. `She Comes First' is without a shadow of doubt the best book on the subject today.

I especially loved how he organized his book after Strunk and White's `Elements of Style' so the book is easy to read, easy to follow, and exceptionally helpful in the elements of sexual style and usage. The chapters are short and sweet so if you are in a time crunch you certainly can devour a short chapter at any session.

I cannot exclaim enough how comprehensive this book is on the sexual response of women. The author spends a great deal of time explaining the importance of building sexual tension to bring about pleasure and actually gives step by step instructions to do so.

From the beginner to the experienced enthusiast, there is something in this book for everybody. I was pleasantly surprised by the routines for beginner, intermediate, and advanced sessions. Also the step-by-step guides are an eye opener.

Impeccably written, this book was a joy to read!

girldiver:)

Helped My Boyfriend (Now Husband) Become Better in Bed, January 10, 2006
A few months ago I bought this book for my husband along with the amzazing "How to Be Her Best Lover Ever" by John Alexander.

My boyfriend at the time (now my husband) learned an immense amount from both books which are really a great complement to each other.

She Comes First is mostly a guide to cunnilingus. My husband doesn't have a lot of patience for long books, and Kerner's book is mercifully consise and easy to read.

As a woman, I'm a believer that males are actually the best sources of advice for guys on how to be great in bed (with the top two without a doubt being Kerner and Alexander). The reason, I think, is because they're able to analyze more dispassionately without the problem of their personal biases interfering.

Kerner explains thoroughly what gives a woman pleasure. What's important is to slowly build up a woman's arousal. A man should tease and tease again. Build the woman up to a point where she's BEGGING her man to give her release!

Guys, this book will show you how women are DIFFERENT from you. If you want your woman to have pleasure (which means YOU get pleasure too!), you need to learn how your woman's genitalia operate. Learn everything about your woman's anatomy and where her erogenous zones are; it's the most rewarding education you can have!

Even if you're a sexual virtuoso already, I believe you can still learn from She Comes First. But at the same time, there are detailed guides for even men who are very beginners when it comes to sex.

Get this book. You won't regret it.

This book can make you God's gift to women, July 26, 2004
Dear reader,

I believe my personal experience speaks for itself...

After reading She Comes First, I met a girl and we started dating. On our third date, she came home with me, and I decided to put the book to the test. Using the very simple techniques I had learned, I went down on her, and she had an explosive orgasm. Then, during sex, she had THREE MORE! At the end of the evening, before we fell asleep in each other's arms, she volunteered that she had never felt anything that incredible IN HER LIFE.

I am not a super-human, nor do I have worlds of experience (I am only 21-years-old). Before I read She Comes First, bringing a woman to orgasm was a lofty goal at best. Now, I find it easier (and more enjoyable) than I ever could have imagined.

This book single-handedly reshaped my sex-life. Read it and I promise you, it will reshape yours too.

Loving Women, May 28, 2004
I have always loved the act of pleasing a woman orally, ever since I had my firet experience at age sixteen. When a freind asked me to desribe "it" I described it as a kind of wild, exotic fruit, which was why I was first attracted to Mr. Kerner's book -- the cover; that was it, there on the cover of a book, 20 years later. But the when I opened the book, I was thankful for this coincidence, for Mr. Kerner not only describes the essential parts of a woman's sexual anatomy in great detail, he describes how they work, and how you, your tongue and your lover can team up for a dynamite experience. This book is about love and the senses and all that's brought to bear during sex -- sight, smell, taste, sound, touch -- expecially talk, language, the "grammar" of sex. Ultimately, what makes this book special, raising it head and shoulders above your average "sex manual" is Kerner's ability to focus on the obvious: that communication is the essence of sexual satisfaction, that while you use your fingers and tongue to physically stimulate, it is the combination of ears and tongue, listening to what she wants and needs, and telling her what you want and need, that is the foundation of great sex and great love. This book is a real winner.

Look Pa, I got the golden ticket!!!, May 25, 2004
Yes, I feel like Charlie in Willie Wonka. Finally someone has given us the golden ticket!!! Mr. Kerner's book is something that many of us have always wanted but could never ask for. He has invited us into a magical place where we can anonymously learn answers to the many questions we have had.

I especially like his quote about men knowing more about what goes on under the hood of a car than under the hood of a clitoris. Of course we do! There are books/manuals that tell us how to change the oil, replace the freon, etc. - or our fathers showed us what to do. Well, my father told me about the "Birds and the Bees" but when it came to sex that didn't do me much more good than learning how to fill the windshield wiper fluid! But now that has changed!!! Mr. Kerner has given those of us that have always wanted to become "oral masters" a definitive guide to help us towards our goal.

I highly recommend that everyone read this. Both men and women. I guarantee that everyone will learn from it. One example....do you know how many "parts" provide stimulation to the clitoris? If you guessed 18, you are the first person to do so correctly that I have asked...and since reading the book, I've asked many(it is a great conversation piece). Mr. Kerner will help you understand how to use the knowledge he teaches and apply it - this is the best homework assignment you will ever receive! And think of how good it will be for your "lab" partner!

An amazing book...thank you Mr. Kerner for giving your tongue a break and putting this all down on paper!!! You are the wise monk to my sexual grasshopper!!!

My man needed a manual... and this is it!, February 14, 2006
My husband and I have been married for almost ten years, and I love him dearly, but I'm so glad that he picked up this book! He went from someone who had little confidence in the bedroom, so was often hurried and uncomfortable, to someone who honestly thinks he knows how to please me. And the best part is, he does!

I like Ian Kerner's approach, my husband is a very logical computer geek (said with all the love and respect in the world) and this is just what he needed.

My best idea yet, January 18, 2007
I love my husband of nine years very much but he just didn't quite get it when it came to right down to it. We had tried countless times with constant coaching on my part but every time we were intimate it was frustrating for both of us. It kills the mood when I'm constantly saying what he needs to do next.

I began my search for help thinking I would buy a "how to please your lady" on DVD. My search on Google lead me to "She Comes First: The Thinking Man's Guide to Pleasuring a Woman" on Amazon's site. The customer reviews were so positive I decided to buy the book myself. The male customers said they liked the book since it was written by a man. The author wrote the book to help other men become masterful at going down on their sweethearts.

It's a perfect book for any man who wants to please his lady. My beloved husband sat down and read the book as soon as I gave it to him. He appreciated the title and so did I. My husband is a very smart man and I know it hurt him to know he wasn't pleasing me like he should.

I want to give a big thank you to Ian Kerner. You've helped my husband so much. He's very confident now when he goes down on me and confidence is sexy. Our love making is now a long, flowing, beautiful experience punctuated only by moans and cries of pleasure.

God Bless you Ian Kerner

Listen to the Doctor, March 23, 2006
The road that I have carved out for myself in the realm of sexuality has been interesting and fun. And, before reading this book I felt that I was well enough equipped to tackle anything in the bedroom, including cunnilingus. I have never been more wrong. This book has transformed not only how I view sex in general, but how I look at a naked woman, how I feel about cunnilingus and, most importantly, my sexual performance and interaction with a woman. I do not simply recommend this book, I encourage any man (or woman) to read it and take the wisdom and experience from it. Apply it's useful knowledge immediately and I can guarantee an increase in confidence and pleasure, for both partners. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Get your game on with Baby's Got Blackjack! Dig for bedroom gold with Pirate's Booty! Get down with Dirty Dice! With 100 chances to win, these sexy scratch tickets give a whole new meaning to lotto fever! ... Read more

Reviews

So,So scratchers, January 26, 2010
I purchased this as a stocking stuffer for my husband.I thought it would be something fun to do to spice things up.We enjoyed the first couple scratch offs but soon realized the "tickets" repeated throughout the book.The only difference being they change the color and some background. Now the booklet sits in a drawer.Overall not pleased with this purchase.

Cute and Playful, March 11, 2008
I got these for my fiance for Valentine's day just thinking that it would be a cute side gift, but he ended up liking them the best out of everything. The scratchers are very playful and add a little interest in the romance department. I think that they made the perfect playful cutesie gift that he loved!

Fun Little Novelty to Add Some Spice, July 10, 2009
I found these scratchers on Amazon.com and saw in a different review that they are available at Spencer's so I picked them up at my local Spencer's store to avoid paying shipping. They're the same price at Spencer's as they are on Amazon.com. When I picked them up I opened them and there are all sorts of hot little game cards in there. I sometimes slip them into my boyfriend's lunch to give him a surprise at work and something to look forward to when he gets home. Definitely worth the [...] bucks!

Great product, May 27, 2009
This product is exactly what I was looking for for my friend's bachelorette party. Her and her future husband are into lotto tickets so she loved this idea. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Reviews

Short on technique, this book is more about scenarios, September 3, 2010
This book promises technique, but really it offers only slightly more than the basics that you already know (because they are obvious). Instead, it simply offers scenarios to give some variety in the where and when. It suggests different locations where you can surprise your lover with a BJ. Next time he wakes up with a woodie, give him the BJ he's dying for. Or join him in the shower and give him one. This is not technique, it is scenario.

You aren't really learning how to give unforgettable oral, although I suppose the argument could be made that any time a woman actually gives a guy a BJ in all of the 24/7 situations he would want them is pretty much a miracle that he won't forget any time soon. And yes, ladies, guys want one 24/7.

If that's all you're looking for, this book contains lots of alternative ways to enjoy offering him oral sex. But you'll learn absolutely nothing new as far as technique goes.

If you are truly looking for technique, "Red Hot Touch" http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0767928210/ref=oss_product offers substantial new insight that can help in your oral sex techniques. That book focuses on the use of your hands and tongue and discusses specific areas that benefit from stimulation, to allow you to give him oral sex that he'll truly never forget. It details methods that most women do not intuitively know, including the actual techniques that turn guys on.

I'm putting a similar review on the partner book for this (we got them both, together with "Red Hot Touch"), because the same criticisms apply. Sorry Sonia, but both are books are certainly forgetful.

Amazing Book....It's a MUST to all ladies out there!!!!!, February 21, 2010
The book is amazing as it details not only the best ways to give a man a BJ, but also illustrates how man's anatomy work...there is so much good information!!! I became more confident with BJs after I read the book. My husband is totally having a blast, he can't get enough of me!!!! I can't wait to get Dr. Sonia's new book about Oral Sex for women. I totally recommend her books and workshops!!!

So Spicey!!, January 11, 2010
Great book to spice up any sex life. Whats great about this book is it starts out by teaching you the basic male anatomy (so you learn how everything works first). Every technique and position is described in easy to follow step by step directions. There are illustrations throughout the whole book which gives you a visual in addition to written instructions on how to preform the varias techniques. The ideas in this book are adventurous, fun and creative. Best of all both you and your man will enjoy the games (techniques) and develop a closeness like never before. My husband gave it a 5 star rating.

Best of its kind, March 12, 2010
I thought my partner and I had tried everything. We hadn't. In fact, thanks to this book we've got a great deal of pleasure ahead of us. There are many similar titles out there, but this is the one to get.

Wow! Great book..., February 14, 2010
I wanted to learn some new techniques to really surprise my husband so I purchased this book. When I first received the book, I scanned through the pages to see the photos. I was very pleased that all the photos and drawings were done in good taste, so thats when I started reading. The techniques and suggestions has really enhanced my skills on how to effectively seduce and satisfy my sweetie with a heart stopping BJ. The cover for the book is really nice but it was a little difficult hiding it in my bedside library so I purchased a .99 cents cloth book cover from Office Max. Great book, I would recommend to others.

Happy Endings, February 16, 2010
I met Dr. Sonia Borg a couple of years ago when she gave a workshop on having a "sex positive" attitude and how to give "o" mazing b.j.'s. All the ladies in our class loved her! She presents the info in a way that's fun and playful. If you can't take a class from her in person, read the book! It's full of all her tips and tricks to help you communicate with your partner, increase intimacy, and have more fun in the bedroom.

So sexy hot!!, December 30, 2009
I bought this book to learn some new techniques to make my man happy. So far it has been great. This guide gives you some different senerios that you can use to spice things up. If you are new to BJs then this is a good book for you. If you have been "around" for a while then it gives you some different ideas to keep things hot and sexy.

Its OKAY, July 27, 2010
While the book is full of pictures it doesn't really go into details about oral sex. The details are more about how to set up fantasies for him. And the techniques are the same things you can find in Cosmo or those types of magazines which give sex tips. Not a total disappointment but not what I was looking for either.

best gift i've given him, June 4, 2010
buying this book & doing some of its scenarios has made his year, possibly his life. The author is clever, informative & tactful. The pictures are a little racey, but not horribly scandalous or graphic at all, and the text is very tactful, descriptive & informative. The book is really about presenting information, and technique in a fun way. It begins with the male anatomy so you can understand how the techniques are supposed to work. Then, she lists scenarios, or recipes, that start with the prep work, the actual step-by-step, things to remember, and then additional info. Each set of pages is its own little recipe. It's really fun because she puts all the creativity in it so you don't have to. And it is definitely much appreciated. The only thing I just don't is the verbage she suggests you use. I can't imagine any way in which it would come out sexy & not disgusting. But, that's me and it's simple to alter it to fit our comfort level. I bought it to bring some fun back into a seven-year marriage that has hit a stressful high, and it really delivered on its promise!

Loved it, December 17, 2009
I was skeptical when I received this at my BDAY party but what a great book. I thought I knew it all but this book has great advice and it explains things in a way that make the techniques easy to follow. It actually helps my inhibition go away and has really steamed up our sex life. I thought it was just a silly porn book at frst but its great. I swear I am getting one for all my BFs for xmas.. ... Read more

Editorial Review

“Rich in dexterous innuendo,laugh-out-loud humor and illuminating fact. It’s compulsively readable.” —Los Angeles TimesBook ReviewThe best-selling author of Stiff turnsher outrageous curiosity and insight on the most alluring scientific subject of all: sex.

16 illustrations ... Read more

Reviews

were you ever in an MRI with a friend?, March 30, 2008
This a truly great tale of a first-hand look at science and sex from both the inside and the outside! Mary Roach provides a humorous and often very personal view--both as a participant and observer--of humans, animals, and mechanical devices: there is much that you would never have imagined, and perhaps would rather never of heard of at all. She and her husband Ed have sex in a 20-inch diameter MRI tube in the interests of science. The doctor looks on, makes suggestions, and finally tells Ed "You may ejaculate now". The author also recounts the experiments by Kinsey is his attic many years ago and tries to track down the film footage.

The author's great sense of humor needs to be read to be believed. She spares no one, and particularly not herself or her husband. She travels to Taiwan to watch an implant operation. In one of the funniest parts[and this says a lot, since the book will have you howling a lot] she goes to Denmark to watch artificial insemination of sows. We know this happens with cows, and you might suppose that there's not much difference with pigs, but you'd be wrong, very wrong indeed. Suffice it to say that the best results occur, when, among other things best not mentioned here, the AI person lies down on the sow's back and fondles her teats during the process. You may never regard your morning sausage quite the same way again.

The author has a lot of asides that are a delight to read. If you usually skip the footnotes in a book, you'll miss a lot here. You'll learn a lot--for all the things that might seem frivolous, but which are not, the book is a scientific one. Roach has a curiosity, an appetite for knowledge, and has the capability that perhaps most scientists do not have, which is to mix science and humor. Stephen Gould was able to do this, but his humor was not as pervasive--his writing is, at a guess, 95% science at 5% humor, whereas with Roach it's more like 50-50. Martin Gardner's great Fads and Fallacies in the Name of Science may be the closest similar work to Roach's book. This book is certainly not for everyone, and there are those who will be deeply offended, but for most it should be a real treat to read!

The Things We Do For "Love", April 5, 2008
Author Mary Roach set out to find and write about sex research around the world (and about the yeilds of that research) and wound up following a lot of very strange paths. From a urologists office in Taipei to a sow furrowing operation in Denmark to a "toy" manufacturer in Chatsworth California, the author tracked down all leads that were presented to her and followed up to learn all there was about how the human anatomy works and why research on this subject is usually cloaked in euphemisms. At times she delves back into the 1800s to explain how we are where we are today and why.

To say the book is funny is an understatement. The author has a gift for puns and uses it to maximum potential, taking material that could be somewhat dry and turning it into page turning reading. If you are interested in the science of sex and love to laugh, this is a wonderful book that will not fail to deliver.

Interesting, but a little scattershot (3.5 *s), September 16, 2008
The author in this book basically researches sex researchers and their work: sexual anatomy, function, and response. She does this with certain misgivings, as sex research, even in modern times, has largely had to fly under the radar. Researchers often have to battle insinuations that they "enjoy" their work just a bit too much.

She travels widely to investigate any number of relevant topics. The subjects are both human and animal; and the use of a variety of technologies from MRIs, ultrasound, and personal devices receives attention. A major focus of the author is on the understanding and overcoming of sexual dysfunction, ranging well beyond recent obsessions with ED.

She does all of this with understated humor, even volunteering herself and her husband for some not-so-discreet ultrasound imaging. The book is definitely not without merit and is interesting, but it is scattershot - a little bit of this, a little bit of that. It tends to bounce along the surface alternating among the scenario, equipment, the science, the researcher, the participant, etc. More focus and organization are needed, but is still a pretty good contribution to a field that seemingly cannot be discussed forthrightly in the pseudo moralistic US.

The Science Of Sex, March 31, 2008
Ms Roach has written a hiliarious account of science in search of better sex. A lot of her discoveries fall into the category of "It seemed like a good idea at the time." The author of previous off the wall subjects like "Spook" (post-death exploration) and "Stiff" (dead bodies), she has the knack of finding obscure information that no one has ever heard of. While the book is verbally graphic, it is not porn. She injects herself into her story and her humor resembles the writer, P.J. O'Rourke.

Shopkeep, how much for that vaginal photoplethysmograph in the window?, July 11, 2008
"Not everyone gets their (masturbation study) funding from research grants. Some masturbation professionals get their funding from the sales of Vibrating Port-A-Pussies and Mr. Fred Jelly Dongs." - Mary Roach in BONK

"To get inside a lubricated vagina, a penis needs to be hard enough to push against the opening with one to two pounds of force. That is approximately the amount of force required to open a swinging kitchen door." - Mary Roach in BONK

Mary Roach is the author of Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, the enormously instructive and entertaining book on the uses to which human cadavers are put. As far as I'm concerned, instructive AND entertaining is about as good as it gets. With BONK, Roach has outdone herself with a read that I couldn't put down.

Science pursues sex because, after all, it's what makes the world turn. Roach first establishes the history of the science, which pretty much reached mainstream acceptance with researchers Alfred Kinsey and then William Masters and Virginia Johnson. (An excellent film about the former, starring Liam Neeson, is 2004's Kinsey.)

The meat of the book, so to speak, is the wide array of sexual behavior and physiologic functions which scientists have investigated, and which include: the sure sign of female orgasm, the location of the fabled G Spot, female orgasm as a function of clitoral-urethral separation distance, the link between female sexual pleasure and fertility, the validity of the vaginal "upsuck" concept, the validity of the penis-cervix interlock theory, cures for erectile dysfunction, the historical legal implications of male "potency", societal perspectives on masturbation, testicular transplants, penile implants, penis restoration post amputation, the physiology and structure of the clitoris, the internal mechanics of penile erection, orgasm's effect on overall physical health, the value of orgasm as exercise, the role of electroejaculation in people with spinal cord injuries, vaginal lubrication as an indicator of female sexual arousal, the nature of arousal in men vs. women, the physiologic trigger of male ejaculation, the role of hormones on the female libido, the existence of human sex-pheromones, and the qualitative measurement of sex. Juicy stuff, this.

The author's special talent, whether it be in STIFF or BONK, is her serious - but not too serious - approach to the subject matter. At any time, the reader may expect Mary to look up from her notes, cock an eyebrow, and deliver some wryly humorous aside. This is perhaps best seen in the footnotes to the text, as in the one connected to the above quote concerning the amount of penile force required for vaginal entry:

"We have three Houston researchers to thank for this statistic. In 1985, the trio attached a pressure gauge to the tip of a penis-shaped Plexiglas rod and penetrated a small group of female volunteers. It seems to me that if they wanted to approximate the surface friction that exists in real intercourse, slippery-smooth Plexiglas was a poor stand-in for penis skin. Though I suppose that when you're doing an experiment that involves penetrating coeds in your lab, surface friction is less of a concern than, say, human subjects review board friction."

As windows on otherwise esoteric or eccentric subject matter, Mary's books are without peer as reading experiences.

Finally, in case you're wondering, BONK describes a photoplethysmograph as a device used to measure the amount of lubricant vaginal walls exude during sexual stimulation. As a matter of fact, I have one right here for inclusion in Mom's Christmas basket.

Quirky, Banally Funny, Not Life Changing, April 14, 2008
ARE YOU IN THE MOOD FOR IT?

In her new book, Bonk: The Curious Couple of Science and Sex, Mary Roach approaches the subject of sex research with the same wit and curiosity present in her previous books- Stiff: The Curious Lives of Human Cadavers, on the science of death, and Spook: Science Tackles the Afterlife, a look at what happens after we die.

In Bonk, Roach describes the evolution of sex research: from studies by Alfred Kinsey and the lesser-known Robert Latou Dickenson, to the Egyptian doctor Ahmed Shafik, who dressed rats in polyester pants.

The 1920s were a curious decade for sex research. During that era, Dickenson, a Brooklyn-based gynecologist, became the first to take a laboratory-based approach to examining what happens physiologically when people have sex. Dickenson used test tubes to see what happened inside a woman during sexual intercourse and debunked theories that the penis locked on to the cervix during intercourse.
Dickenson later inspired Kinsey to conduct his famous experiments.

A history of scientific research is not that interesting, even if it involves the racy subject of sex. In Bonk, Roach has tried to infuse a dull subject with wit and humor. I agree with the reviewers that have commented Roach's banality gets old quick, but I don't know what other intriguing approach Roach could have taken to this topic. I concluded that as bored as I was with the post-modernist, sarcastic writing, it's probably the only approach Roach could have employed to write a book on sex research that you- presumably not a scientist and not a Cosmo or Playboy devotee-would have read.

Part of the problem is that this genre may be getting old. In the last decade I've read books that have dug up the quirky history of everything imaginable-the writing of the Oxford-English dictionary, orchid growing, bibliophilia, and china (as in china vases, not the country). It's clever, and at the time, I was happy to learn something about otherwise unknown idiosyncratic subjects, but this type of reading doesn't really satiate innate curiosity. You probably haven't read about sex research, because, well, let's face it, you probably don't care. I read history to learn about the present-the "Those who don't know history are bound to repeat it"-type of approach. Knowing that someone stuck polyester pants on a rat back in the day doesn't really tell me anything about my life now. It's interesting in a navel-gazing sort of a way, but not that fulfilling.

If you are in the mood for history, I think a People's History of the United States by Howard Zinn is probably the most interesting history book I've read. But it's serious. When I was a kid I read the Guiness Book of World Records and learned that Napoleon's small sex organs were kept in a glass jar after his death. They are now "in the hands of" a private collector who paid around $10,000 dollars for them. That's interesting right? You'll get the same sort of information from Bonk. Decide for yourself whether or not you're "in the mood" for it.

Funny, funny, funny and informative!, February 25, 2009
Hi, this is Joanne, a bioengineering instructor at the University of Illinois. I read science books and review them. See more at my youtube site http://www.youtube.com/user/joannelovesscience

What can I say, Mary Roach is hilarious! Talking about sex, a bit dangerous for any writer, but she did it with style.

Bonk is No Romp, June 20, 2008
I really wanted to like Bonk. Mary Roach seems joyous in her celebration of the science of sex. It's clear she's spent (and thoroughly enjoyed) her time researching the subject, unfortunately the book never really comes together. Mary Roach's 'signature wit' comes of more as juvenile as she seems lost in her perspective on her subject. Is Bonk a personal essay about her journey through the world of sex research? A portrait of the history of sex and the science surrounding it? Roach never settles in with a clear perspective on her subject and ends up getting lost in the telling.

I'm not a huge fan of footnotes, I respect when they are used well but despise when they are used as long tangents for a broken narrative. In Bonk Roach uses long footnotes on almost every other page and uses them to add 'witty commentary' to some of her points. Most of the footnotes should have been integrated into the main text as they often feel orphaned from it.

The most telling chapter of this book is when Roach goes to Cairo to get insight into sex research in Egypt. Her trip, the results and the chapter are a complete let down and yet Roach tries to salvage it at the end with a chest thumping cry of how important people dedicating their lives to sexual discourse are. It's at this point you can see that Roach is 'rounding third' in her book and realizes she doesn't have the goods to bring it all home.

It's a real shame. This book could and should have been better. Mary Roach is a fine writer, an obvious research nut and the subject is one that is anything but unengaging. Unfortunately it's yet another book where the editor let the author run free. Some real hard nosed editing, some real focus, a re-arrangement of the footnotes and a clarity of perspective and you've got a fine book. But what's in this pages isn't worth picking this book up in hardcover. It's really a casual mass-market paperback read (or even a used one at that).

A Fascinating, Highly Non-Erotic Look at "the Most Important Subject in Life", January 11, 2009
Right up front, Mary Roach tells us this book is a "...tribute to the men and women who dared. Who, to this day, endure ignorance, closed minds, righteousness, and prudery" [sic]. This is a book for those who are interested in Sex, that is, the big picture of what sex is, does, and is all about. This book is about, as Roach so cleverly offers in her subtitle, where science and sex intersect, the success and shortcomings, about vital, important and thoroughly scientific work done necessarily in shadow and secrecy.

The book is generally classified as science writing, but it does not read that way. It's more a memoir of personal curiosity, and a lay-author's attempt to answer are some basic questions about a subject we're all interested in but propriety keeps us from asking. There was adventure aplenty for her (and her husband, a real trouper) in writing it, and we get to come along, too. She ventures as far afield as Cairo, where she runs into dedicated sex research taking place amid--of course--religious restriction. And she goes to Taiwan to be hosted by a highly enthusiastic penis-enlargement doctor.

There are three Really Big Questions Roach goes at:

First, are sex scientists pervs? That's her lead-off, and it's a really good question. Basic common sense seems to indicate that those who make something their life's work usually are deeply interested in it, in all aspects of it, and they live it as well as work it. It flows most logically that those who study sex, and study it as intensely as Kinsey and Masters/Johnson did probably had a real thing for sex. Well, duh. But Roach offers: what's so horrible about that? Why is it that enthusiasm and deep enjoyment/interest in sex makes you any less a thoroughly dedicated scientist?

A-ha, Ms. Roach! By extension, are people who write about sex science pervs? Well...Roach offers very little direct personal insight as to her own proclivities, but the book itself speaks more than enough about her curiosity, lust for adventure, and willingness to try something new, if anything just for having done it, bad or good.

Okay, back to sex researchers, and Roach's description of their sad struggle for funding for their studies. They cannot be straightforward in explaining their desires to explore sexual response or orgasm or arousal patterns, so have to resort to euphemism and semantic gymnastics in proposals. So, when it comes to research dollars, it's clear the grant holders still believe that sex researchers are pervs.

And two: what exactly is an orgasm? Sure, it can be observed and defined in any number of physical ways, but it seems that a great many hypersmart scientist-folk still disagree on exactly what is going on here, uh, there, down there. Roach discusses this kind of in depth, offering that there are at least 20 competing medical/scientific definitions. But to my mind doesn't settle on an answer, or really fully develop enough information to let the reader decide.

And third, who are the best lovers? Unfortunately for most hung-up readers, Roach's arrived-at answer is homosexual couples, both female and male (in that order). The heteros get points for attendance, but are a distant third.

Roach's overview of the historical understanding sexual physiology and the act itself is quite interesting. We should all be glad that we are living in the present age, and are not subject to the dangerous idiocy of scientific/medical understanding of sexual anatomy and function as little as 70 years ago.

Roach's humor is outstanding, offering parenthetical and footnoted quips and observations which are truly funny, while not disparaging of her subjects. I mean, she makes references to Mr. Peabody's Wayback Machine. She offers lots of oddball tidbits, found facts, such as Millard Fillmore's last words, the world record for ejaculation distance, and what it might be like to date a corn dog.

There is no X-rated action here, at least directly portrayed. The content is adult, to be sure, but not prurient or titillating. There also is no direct how-to here, but you can pull little things out, like that foreplay really does make a difference to both foreplayer and foreplayee.

As for contents, she reviews the work of Kinsey and Masters/Johnson, but in interesting bits and pieces. She's done a lot of research, and requests a number of the key pieces of Kinsey's clandestine research, only to be told no; the reader can't help but infer that such material might just show that one of the greatest sex researchers of all time was indeed a perv. You get the penis camera, phallometrics, vaginal upsuck, the International Index of Erectile Function and RigiScan-Plus Rigidity Assessment System (with Self-Calibrating Penile Loops), smegma, the medicalization of impotence, pelvic clenching, the ins-and-outs of Danish pig insemination, panda porn, Ben Vereen, implants and transplants, the Fruit Machine, coital imaging, the Dickinson vulvas, sex toy manufacturing, the arousometer, foreplay and response, glands and hormones, womb fury (the perfect punk band name!), the rectal probe electroejaculator's role in dampening leg spasticity, and the fact that "...the stereotypical...Barbie...is the one least likely to respond to a manly hammering." You get all this in 303 easy-reading pages, with an extensive bibliography, and with no index or "vibrating eggs," as promised by the author.

Bottom line: If sex disgusts, horrifies or otherwise makes you uncomfortable, this very direct and mature adventure will not be an enjoyable read. But if you've got an intellectual curiosity honest enough to admit that you're interested in well, you-know-what, and if you'd like actually to learn a little bit as you indulge your randy curiosity about S-E-X, then you'll enjoy this book, as I did.

The View from the Sexual Research Frontier, April 16, 2008
"I think by now you know how science is", says a researcher to Mary Roach. "You think you know a lot until you start to ask some really basic questions, and you realize you know nothing." That's perhaps a koan-like exaggeration, but it is certainly true that good research answers questions only to turn up more questions. This might be even more true in the arena of sexual research, the topic of Roach's enormously entertaining and informative _Bonk: The Curious Coupling of Science and Sex_ (Norton). Roach has before written books about scientific evaluation of the physical and spiritual afterlife of the dead, and if she could make such macabre topics engaging and funny, you can count on a lively treatment of how science investigates sex. Part of the reason this book is so interesting is, of course, that everyone is interested in sex, and there is a great tangle of complicated hormones, engorgements, and reflexes that operate to give us sexual joy and we cannot even feel many of them operating. Another reason is that we got a late start in the scientific evaluation of the subject. Kinsey and Masters & Johnson were pioneers in a sphere where few others had gone before, because of a taint of naughtiness. Another reason the book is so interesting is that you can read all the books on chemistry, physics, or cosmology you want, and you will never find experiments as funny as those of the Egyptian researcher who monitored the coital rates of rats who wore polyester pants. And that's just one example of the experiments here.

Roach loves her subject, which she says is "as good as science gets" because it involves researchers who display "a mildly outrageous, terrifically courageous, seemingly efficacious display of creative problem-solving, fueled by a bullheaded dedication to amassing facts and dispelling myths in a long-neglected area of human physiology." She certainly gets into the spirit of the effort by recruiting her good-sport husband to be the first couple scanned in coition by 3D sonography."For the still images, we must hold still for several seconds, like Victorians posing for a tintype, only not like Victorians posing for a tintype." Roach reports on most of the other research without participating in it, like a paper from five years ago called "The Human Penis as a Semen Displacement Device". Not only did our male evolutionary forebears want to deposit their own semen into vaginas, they wanted to scoop out any semen from predecessors, and it turns out the shape of the glans at the end of the penis is just right to do this. This experiment involved no humans except for the experimenters. They used artificial semen (the recipe is given in the book), an artificial vagina from California Exotic Novelties, and three different artificial phalluses, one of them a control without a glans. The lifelike phalluses expelled 91% of the standing semen, while the cylindrical control expelled only 35%.

Roach has an appealing jocular prose, and her subjects in one chapter after another are, well, the sorts of scientists that would study such things, so they make for entertaining interviews. This does not keep her book from being packed with information, some of it at the cocktail-chatter level and some decidedly deeper. Here is the vaginal photoplethysmograph probe, and to balance that, the nocturnal penile tumescence monitor. Here is how Danish pig farmers stimulate sows so that artificial insemination has a better chance of success. Here is a report of the "inside-out" maneuver performed during surgery on the penis. Here are reflections about how doing sexual research was almost forbidden in the fifties, and then it became acceptable and fundable, but now in an era of "just say no" it has become difficult again. Here are explanations of how victims of paraplegia, who ought not to have sensation below the waist, can get orgasms. Here is evaluation of the famous upsuck theory of female orgasm, and an admission that studies comparing conception rates of women who have sex with orgasm and those who have sex without have simply not been done. Here are descriptions of sexual quackery from the past, including during the witch craze when witches were busy collecting men's penises by magic and putting them in the nests of birds who helpfully kept them alive with a diet of oats and corn. Here is the shorthand code used by the San Francisco Fire Department for sex toy emergencies. And here are some results from a forgotten study that issued from the lab of Masters & Johnson. The most fulfilling sex seems to have been that between committed gay and lesbian couples. Roach says, "Not because they were practicing special secret homosexual sex techniques, but because they `_took their time_.'" They moved slowly and lingered over each other's pleasure. They teased. They talked. Well, perhaps Roach examined research with more revolutionary lessons, but nonetheless, it might be practical to put this one into action.
... Read more

Editorial Review

With his characteristic warmth and humor, Dr. Kevin Leman offers a practical guide to sex according to God's plan. This frank and practical book is a perfect resource for married and engaged couples. Now in softcover. ... Read more

Reviews

A Marriage Must!, April 26, 2003
This title is the first one I have read by Dr. Kevin Leman. I am so impressed with him and his humorous, helpful style that he will likely be on my list of favorite authors. Leman's personality comes through strong in this volume about married life, laughter, and the language of love.

I read this book first, and then my wife was so intrigued by my interest that she read it as well. My wife is normally not a reader of non-fiction, but this title held her attention to the very end. Both of us later described this volume by remarking, "This guy is so right on target with his description of what makes men/women tick!"

Leman is a devout Christian, and as such remains within biblical guidelines in his sexual advice. He definitely is NOT however, puritanical by any means. He describes sex in marriage as a gift from God to be thoroughly enjoyed, not as a necessary evil to be endured.

For years as a pastor I've recommended one other particular title to newlyweds as an "all-you-wanted-to-know-about-sex-but-was-afraid-to-ask" book. I am so impressed that this title will now replace it. Buy it for your marriage, read it in your marriage, and learn even more about this wondrous gift God has provided!

A Stirring Classic --- Encore!, January 24, 2004
Psychologist and bestselling author Dr. Kevin Leman pulls back the sheets on the scintillating subject of sexual intimacy in his latest book, SHEET MUSIC. While it's a return of sorts to the territory that he covered in SEX BEGINS IN THE KITCHEN, Leman uncovers much more ground in this revealing look at the secrets to connubial bliss.

"It's not just a how-to-do-it manual," writes Leman. "This is more of a do-it-yourself look at why to do it and how to do it better." With his trademark wit and wisdom, Leman offers couples no-nonsense guidance for creating and keeping a satisfying sexual relationship.

The provocative primer includes 31 ideas for sensual surprises, including a racy recipe for creating a chocolate bath complete with whipped cream. Also included for readers are helpful suggestions for identifying and satisfying not only the needs but also the desires of their spouses.

"One of the most loving and holy things you can do in marriage is to provide a sexually fulfilling pursuit of your husband or wife," Leman writes. "Therefore without apology, this is the most explicit book I've ever written. Probably everybody will be offended by at least one thing I say in this book."

Leman confesses that the book was the hardest to write of the 25 titles he's written to date and even goes so far as to include a brief note to readers, admitting that part of what is included in the book may be too forward for some. For readers in premarital counseling specifically, he suggests saving the second half of the book for the honeymoon.

In the chapter titled "A Very Special Connection," Leman addresses several of the more common sexual positions and even some of the not-so-common ones. Later in the book, he is supportive of oral sex, devoting an entire chapter to "Oral Delights."

Throughout the book, Leman stresses the need to consider the appetites of one's spouse and suggests never coercing them into any type of sex act unwillingly. The law of love is to rule in the bedroom as much as any place else, he maintains.

Arguably somewhat graphic in places for a Christian sex guide, the book nevertheless excels at confronting unhealthy sexual inhibitions in the name of liberating couples' God-given passions for their own good.

While not for the faint of heart, SHEET MUSIC is a much-needed resource for recovering sexual intimacy in marriage. Leman has composed a stirring classic, moving readers to create beautiful music together. Encore!

--- Reviewed by Sean Fowlds

This book will save your marriage!, February 18, 2003
This is truly the most incredible marriage book I have ever read! Dr. Leman is just so right-on about what makes men tick and what drives them sexually (and its more in-depth than one would think!). It made me realize that men are not just after the sex, per se, but the intimate connection that sex provides for a couple. He has such incredible insight about the role of sex in a marriage and he backs it all up biblically - making sex within marriage not just right, but mandated by God! Christians and non-Christians alike will appreciate his insight into what makes men and women tick (its scary how well he gets inside a womans mind AND body) and this book would benefit any marriage having difficulties of any kind, or even none at all. Finding the common ground on sex can be so difficult - just the introduction of this book cleared up so many issues in my mind. I can't begin to say how highly I recommend this book to everyone - I am just so thankful to Dr. Leman for such a clear look into the mind of my husband!

Very insightful, overlook the writing style, April 27, 2005
Most Christian books on sexuality dance around honest questions regarding the basics of sexual intimacy and fundamental biological differences between men and women. I grew up in a Christian environment and am familiar with the evangelical approach to sexuality: a curious mix of "Don't ask, Don't tell" and the sentiment that if you're a good person and you communicate with your spouse, the two of you will just figure it out.

From that perspective, "Sheet Music" is a breath of fresh air for mainstream Christian couples, providing plain straightforward answers to some very blunt questions (including special considerations for first-time lovers, positions that please a woman, improving ejaculatory control, creating a lifestyle that nurtures intimacy on all levels, etc.)

Dr. Leman does well to communicate that God created sex for the pleasure of monogamous couples, and Christians should not feel shame in talking very candidly about sexual matters. But, he shatters his own credibility with a frequently awkward tone and substandard schoolboy attempts at wit that wind up more irritating than personable. Perhaps, in an attempt to show his liberty in discussing sexual matters, he over-compensated in his use of sexual innuendo and cheap locker room jokes. As a person who has spent quite a bit of time both in the church and away from it, I found myself thinking repeatedly, "What's he doing? Don't I get enough of this from my buddies at work?"

Writing style aside-I would've given the book a five out of five otherwise (!)-I don't know of any other book on Christian shelves that deals with sexuality in such a comprehensive manner. I will definitely recommend it to other couples with the encouragement that they overlook the writer's half-baked humour... and trust that the insights offered are quite beneficial.

Whoah-it's racey!, October 26, 2005
This book was a little more descriptive than I had imagined, but it was a great book to refocus my attention to my husband and his needs. Overall I enjoyed the book and the idea that sex should be an exciting experience and not something that you just get over with. It was nice reading a book like this from a Christian perspective

Excellent Book! Sometimes surprising, Solid & Biblical, August 5, 2004
As a minister I was very pleased at the solid teaching Dr. Leman gives in this and all of his books, (as well as video seminars) I have reviewed. Some of this material will shock some Christians with traditional sensibilities about marital sex. Sex is very important to a marriage. Good sex is something we should all strive for in marriage, it is God's gift to us. This book gives straight forward, sometimes very, very straight forward (insert red face) how to information. But because sex has been hijacked by the world the church has, as a whole, ignored the topic. It is time for some good Biblical teaching. Are you married then be brave and read this book with your spouse. I think you will both be glad you did. Also it would be a great gift for newlyweds and engaged couples!

sheet music, September 2, 2003
Another homerun for Dr. Leman, the Christian Psychologist. I read this book in a couple days and thoroughly enjoyed it. He writes in a very straight-forward manner and goes into explicit detail about sex between husband and wife.There are chapters "For Men Only," and "For Women Only" which are good to have your mate read, if you are at all shy about discussing what you like in bed. Dr. Leman writes in a way that has a lot of humor, and relates stories from his own experiences, that we can all identify with. We laughed out loud at page 198, "Headlights.." As Christians, we need to open the lines of communication with our spouse in all areas of life, including our sex life. God intended this wonderful gift for our pleasure, and Dr. Leman's book is a good way to get started! I'd also highly recommend his other book, "Sex Begins in the Kitchen Because Love is an All Day Affair." Great wedding shower gifts for a Christian girlfriend, or anniversary gift to yourselves!

Excellent!, September 25, 2005
This book is amazing! I would recommend it to anyone planning on getting married and also to anyone already married. Dr. Leman's insight is remarkable. I have read and enjoyed several of his books, but this one so far is the best. He hits the nail right on the head and holds nothing back from the reader.It is definitely worth reading to strengthen your marriage!

Water for Parched Marriages, July 24, 2005
Easy to read. Easy to understand. May push some Christian couples over their comfort limit; but, for the rest of us, it is liberating and freeing to know that God does not place any boundaries on marital sex, people do! Leman's advice is to enjoy, enjoy, enjoy! And he gives plenty of tips for how to go about this ;). Yes, 'locker' language IS used, but it is very funny, and not at all demeaning. . . . it lightened up the mood (for us) and helped us not to take a serious topic as seriously; what I would term 'ice breakers'! ;) I and my happy hubby LOVED this book (and, it gives PLENTY of advice on a husband's responsibility in PLEASURING HIS WIFE!-- not at all chauvinistic!).

Practical and personal, March 14, 2006
This book does what I wish Christian writers normally did when they talk about sex - speak the common language, and say it in words that everyone is thinking! Sheet music is very 'to the point', almost too making one blush sometimes, but what it is saying needs to be said - Sex is a gift from God and the state of it in your marriage is a reflection of the state of your marriage! Thanks for being willing to say what needs to be said - I now have a new book to give engaged couples who come for premarital counseling.

... Read more

Editorial Review

The 2,000-year-old Kama Sutra is widely regarded as the most famous work on erotic pleasure ever created. This original new interpretation of the Hindu sex classic features 40 easy-to-follow explicit positions, each beautifully illustrated by stunning color photographs, step-by-step instructions, difficulty ratings, and relevant quotes from the original text. From slow and gentle to fast and intense, the positions fulfill every mood and sexual need, and are designed to heighten pleasure from both a man’s and woman’s perspective. Separate chapters explore the body, senses, mood, foreplay, and oral sex, offering creative ways to bring new levels of eroticism into lovemaking.

A book that couples will want to keep by their bedside tables and refer to again and again, The Modern Kama Sutra is the ultimate book for modern lovers. ... Read more

Reviews

Beautifully Erotic and Infomative, September 15, 2008
Perhaps the book is 4-stars, not 5. My review is designed to dilute the previous one-star condemnation. I'm totally baffled as to what is "pornish" and "juvenile" about this book. (Read my comments on her review.)

To be honest, I'm an interested novice on the subject of Kama Sutra, and probably don't know a 4-star from a 5-star read. I hoped to upload photos from the book for you to make your own decisions, but they are "nude" and forbidden to upload.

The photos are beautifully erotic, full color, lots of light and shadow, upscale, minimally explicit: yes, breasts; yes, some pubic hair; yes -- couples enjoying intercourse. The book is about sex, after all.

Unlike some sex books with illustrations, the photos are clear in "what to do" with one's body, to achieve the pose. Each pose is rated with a degree of difficulty, and type: example "soft, gentle" vs. "deep, intense, hot".

Being a good lover is highly important to me, and I can learn a lot from this book. Is it the best one out there? I have no idea, but I'm delighted that I bought it. LA Enke

For those who want to make love expertly, May 4, 2009
The Kama Sutra, everyone knows the name - a nearly 2,000 year old Sanskrit text on sexuality and relationships between the sexes. Now, authors Kirk (a journalist and illustrator) and Kamini Thomas (a social psychologist) have taken their knowledge on Eastern Spirituality and used it to bring the Kama Sutra up to date for the modern Westerner.

Now, this book is not merely a book of illustrated sexual positions, though that is a large part of the book. The book covers seduction, setting the mood, trust, romance, and so much more. Read this book and you will learn about your own and your partner's bodies, and how to add true adroitness to your lovemaking. This is the book for those who want to not just make love, but make it expertly.

(Review of The Modern Kama Sutra: The Ultimate Guide to the Secrets of Erotic Pleasure)

Great fun!, June 10, 2009
A great way to keep the fun going in a 25 year old romance, we just Pick a position a week, and run with it.

Worth the look and the buy, June 1, 2009
I absolutely love this book. 1) It is informative and very easy to understand. 2) It is very descriptive and the pictures that accompany the descriptions really do help. 3) While some may deem it pornographic, obviously you would not give it to a child, it is something about sex that helps in this modern world. I can say this though I cannot wait to really try this and implement it with my partner.

it's fun, but not awesome, June 4, 2010
Good book. The pictures aren't awful at all. They definitely give a clear idea of what you're supposed to be trying. I think that it's fun & definitely has brought a playful element to our seven-year marriage. Overall, I like it. Some reviewers said the positions are variations of the same and I'd have to agree. However, there are some interesting explanations on the kama sutra theory, like elephant women or deer women (I think?) etc. I'd never though about positions that way & it's helped us gravitate towards positions that are better suited for us. So, that makes this fun & informative. Having said that, though, it means that some of the positions in the book are not suited for us as well as the variations on those positions.

Great Starter Book!, March 29, 2010
This book has ample pictures and a good overview of basic positions, as well as chapters instructive on other Kama Sutra basics (such as maintaining eye contact and linking your breathing better). Great starter book for those new to the subject and looking for more than just a lesson on intercourse...

Nice modern rendition of the original, February 11, 2010
This is a simple to understand, informative book that has very tasteful, sensual photographs, and nice excerpts from the original Karma Surta. I highly recommend it.

Purchased it for a bridal shower present., October 4, 2009
Didn't thumb through it. I bought it for a bridal shower present and my cousin really seems to like it. The couple say that it's very interesting and full of tons of positions. ... Read more

Editorial Review

EXPERIENCE THE ULTIMATE ORGASM

Do you want amazing, mind-blowing sexual ecstasy--full-body, multiple and extended orgasms, as well as the elusive and mysterious experience of female ejaculation?

In this book, you'll learn how to awaken your secret orgasmic trigger, the G-spot.With step-by-step instruction for both men and women, this book shows how to give and receive incredibly powerful G-spot orgasms that take you to the ultimate point of pleasure--female ejaculation.

You may have heard the widespread myth that only a select few women have the ability to achieve an orgasm heightened by ejaculation. Don't believe it. With the correct stimulation, any woman can enjoy the full-body satisfaction that comes from the total orgasmic release of female ejaculation.

In Female Ejaculation you'll find answers to all your questions:

• What is female ejaculation?
• Where is the G-spot?
• How is the G-spot best stimulated?
• How can I experience female ejaculation?

About the Authors

Somraj Pokras is the author of many books on Tantra and Tantric sex, and the leader of 50 people skills workshops. During his 35-year career as a counselor, group facilitator, and trainer, he has guided more than 20,000 people to lead more effective lives. Dr. Jeffre TallTrees is a psychologist, sex therapist, and senior staff member of The Four Winds Society, an international school of shamanic healing. ... Read more

Reviews

What's good for her is BETTER for YOU!, October 26, 2009
This book is very informative as well as entertaining. My girlfriend wasn't "thrilled" when I first purchased it, but I told her that the reviews had been great and I thought that it was something we could "learn" about together. Needless to say, she is singing a completely different tune these days, and that pleases the BOTH of us to no end. Fellas, do yourselves a favor. BUY THIS BOOK! 'nuff said.

Probably the Best Value on the Subject, May 13, 2009
I read through this book with my girlfriend at the local Borders. It's priced lower than other books on the subject and has way more information than anything else on the shelves. If you're looking for a G-spot book that's technical without being mechanical this is the one. Great for couples as well.

A definitive work of impeccable scholarship and accessibility, December 6, 2008
There is more to human sexuality than is typically covered by the 'birds & bees' approach to the subject. Co-written by Somraj Pokras and Jeffre Talltrees, "Female Ejaculation: Unleash The Ultimate G-Spot Orgasm" is an informed and informative introduction and instructional guide to the biological phenomena of the female orgasm. Readers will learn about the sexual anatomy of the 'G-spot' and how to utilize it to successfully achieve orgasms both singular and multiple. Of special note are the chapters focusing on 'G-spot Massage'; Sexual Healing; Ecstatic States; and Optimal Positions. Enhanced with the inclusion of a glossary of terms, "Female Ejaculation" is a definitive work of impeccable scholarship and accessibility, making it highly recommended for personal and academic library Human Sexuality reference collections and supplemental reading lists.

Light and engaging!, June 26, 2010
I really enjoyed reading this with my wife. Female ejaculation is not something she has ever experienced, however she was open to the idea. With this book she was able to acheive better orgasms on her own as well as ejaculation with my help:) Needless to say she is more than pleased and so am I. Just keep an open mind between you and this book can lead the way

EXCELLENT!, September 6, 2010
From a man's perspective, this is a very detailed and well searched out book for anyone seriously seeking to give his female lover(s) intense orgasms. I especially liked the Eastern esoteric teachings combined with practical scientific research. Somraj Pokras and Jeffre Talltrees have put together a very comprehensive book on female ejaculation. To be completely honest, I have not yet apply the techniques described in this book for female ejaculation, however, I'm very eager to try them with my partner. I am convinced they will work and will update my review accordingly. Well before I read this book, there've been numerous times during love making where I stimulated the G-spot in my female partner and she had all the reactions described in the book, leading to female ejaculation, but she held back because she felt like she was going to urinate. I do realize it will take work... with some women more than others, and your partner should be a willing participant, if she's never had a female ejaculation. Although the G-spot is best reached directly with the fingers, nothing can compare to a strong erected penis that your female partner can enjoy for hours and for that I recommend Red Sex Dragon, a powerful male sexual supplement. Lastly, if you are a male reading this review, you are clearly no average Joe, and you probably go out of your way to provide pleasure and ecstasy for your female partner(s) (like I do...) and to put your skills into practice you'll need a female to passionately and completely surrender to your charm, and for this I recommend The Art of Seduction. With all this combined you're sure to have women worshiping you.

November 28th, 2010 - Hallelujah! I wanted to update my review today since my girlfriend had her first ejaculation-orgasm on Thanksgiving night. Her first one ever at 39-years-old! It was her second one for the evening and it came very unexpected. It wasn't like a few squirts, more like a fountain effect that carried on for nearly a minute. The quantity of clear fluid ejaculated was equivalent to at least a full tea cup. A Big Turn On, can give a macho man a big sense of accomplishment. Although there was random clitoris stimulation, it was mainly achieved through the G-spot techniques described in this book, that I have diligently been practicing with her for the past few months. I'm convinced that any woman can have a female ejaculation with patience, consistant effort and willingness to play from both partners. I must say, some woman will need more caring and nurturing than others on both physical and psychological levels to reach a female ejaculation-orgasm.

Bought as gift, September 9, 2009
I browsed through this book at a book store and got it as a gift to a girlfriend. She thought it was insightful and detailed without being condescending. ... Read more

Editorial Review

It's the difference between imitating great sex and creating it.

From great sex to extraordinary sex, Squirms, Screams and Squirts will take you there.

For the first time, an easily understood manual that demystifies some of the most complicated issues surrounding pleasing a lady.

* The Art and Science of Oral Sex
* Secrets to Understanding the Anatomy of a Woman
* Sex Toys and Precisely How to Use Them
* Steps to Creating those Incredible Sexual Experiences
* Enjoying Taboos and other Outrageous Concepts
* ... and how to perform them safety. ... Read more

Reviews

Wife Loved This Book--Coached Me With It, August 31, 2007
My wife is usually completely averse to reading anything like this. She loves romance novels and reads them all the time. When I brought this book home, she just wrinkled her nose at it, and said "Oh no, not another one of those sex books." I just left it in the drawer of the reading area table, where I could slowly read it, a chapter at a time. After a few days while I was in the office working, she came in with the book in her hand and a look of discovery and pleasure on her face. She had given the book a chance after all, and had not only read it through, but had used a purple hiliter marker to identify all the parts that she felt really spoke to her and best expressed her desires for me to put into practice in our lives. She focused on the parts about setting the scene, or mood, and about intimate communication, and about "reading" your partner to achieve extraordinary enjoyment. We both now feel this book is one of the very best books ever written about a man truly relating to his partner and becoming adept at assisting her to truly reach her potential pleasure peaks. You will benefit greatly from this book, as we did. Even if you think you are an expert now, this book will give you a better instinct and a higher level of appreciation for your partner.

Ludicrously Bad, September 23, 2009
Ah, where to begin...

Perhaps the, first thing that, bothered me was, the horrible, use of commas, punctuating completely, random spots, in many, sentences. My high school english teacher would have left red ink all OVER this writing.

A lack of understanding of the basics of english grammar is not Rubel's worse offense against the craft of writing. In many chapters, he starts almost every paragraph with sentences like "But before we get to that...", "First, I want to tell you about...", "Before I go into that...". After several such paragraphs, the reader is met with "And in conclusion...". It had a basic structure of, "Before, before, before, after", with no middle, often repeating paragraphs and sentences almost verbatim.

It reads like a rough draft by a high school student. It's painful. I don't know what college Dr. Rubel got his PhD from. I wonder if they require Comp 101 as part of their curriculum.

But enough of the presentation, what of the content?

Using Wikipedia as a source is not terrible for casual research, or for commentary on the general current thinking about a topic. The first time I saw "according to Wikipedia...", I thought that this was Rubel's intent. However, it quickly became apparent that he got pretty much ALL of his information from the Wikipedia sex articles. I've read them. They're great. You should read them. You'll get almost all the information that this book has to offer, and much more, with citations and continual quality control.

That's not to say that there isn't independent research involved in this book! The author goes to great lengths to repeatedly impress upon the reader that he's been with many, MANY women, and has brought all or most of them to unparalleled heights of ecstasy, complete with ejaculation and sobbing and trance-like transcendent states. I got douche chills. Despite "squirts" being mentioned in the title, he spends significantly more time writing in detail about his favorite fetish, erotic shaving.

The title of this book should be "Robert Rubel is Great in Bed and Erotic Shaving is Hot."

OK, so let's say you skim past the erotic shaving, and forgive the lack of writing ability or scholarship. There are some fairly good tips in here, but many of them are simply boneheadedly obvious. The book claims that it is "not for amateurs", but rather for "those who already have a good sex life", and want to take it to the next level. However, all of his suggestions basically boil down to "pay attention to your partner's needs". If you're not an amateur, and you already have a good sex life, and you're the type of person who would buy a book on the topic, I'm willing to bet that you will learn nothing from this book.

Actually, that's not quite true. You'll learn that Robert Rubel is great in bed, and that erotic shaving is hot.

This just might be the worst book I've ever picked up. I only give it one star because that is the lowest possible rating. Save your money, and just read Wikipedia yourself.

A Must Read Book For Lovers!, October 1, 2007
I had the pleasure of meeting Dr. Rubel at a Fetish Convention in Dallas, Tx recently. This man MUST be a woman trapped in a man's body! His book is easy to read without pages of boring medical jargon. It explains simply, but in exquistite detail, how to utilize a woman's natural anatomy to enhance a couple's lovemaking WAAAAY above and beyond the usual. He also explains how to use toys to create different sensations for the woman. Also included, but not limited to, are sections about the uses of lubes, oral pleasure, and how to "ramp up" the sexual experience. I would recommend this book to single men AND women, as well as couples seeking to expland their knowledge in the art of lovemaking.

To say that this book can add *sizzle* to a couples lovemaking is a vast understatement!!!!! This is NOT some kind of "nasty porno", but a very tastefully written book that I would be proud to give to my own daughter and her husband. Women....learn more about your own body! Men...READ THIS! You will not be disappointed by the results from your partner if you apply what is learned from this excellent book!!!

Now THIS is interesting, August 1, 2007
A friend of mine knows the author and suggested that sight-unseen I'd probably be amused. I'm more than amused, I'm sort-of amazed. I have to admit, this book cuts new ground. I've never seen a sex techniques book that isn't about intercourse. This one is about everything except intercourse. Rubel really lays it out there. He gives very detailed descriptions about fingering techniques, licking techniques, and how to use inside and outside vibrators to help the lady reach outrageous orgasms.

I began this book a bit skeptically, but decided to go ahead and try some of this stuff on my wife. Ahem. Ah... You might want to try some, too. There's a number of techniqes in here that I must admit, I didn't know. Also, quite a bit of this material is about setting the stage in your home in order to put your lady in the frame of mind to have a really exceptional sexy evening.

Interesting book and one that my wife is going to recommend to her friends.

Frankly, that was a surprise.

Good venture into a female focused sex book, December 12, 2007
While there are things I would like to see expanded in this book and a poor choice of Wikipedia for some of the information, it is a good book that looks at sex as something far more than penis-vagina intercourse. The focus of this book is on making sexual intimacy primarily about female pleasure with the idea that penetration then may follow and indeed sexual encounters increase when the woman is very well pleased with her partner (male or female). The language of the book is more appealing for men I strongly suspect but then men are the target audience. As long as the reader does not see the book as a step by step list of activities he must do and considers the questions and underlining goals, he'll get good use of the book. Sadly as a scholar the use of Wikipedia instead of peer reviewed studies of human sexuality or anatomy automatically knocks off a star for me in the review.

Finally, a Woman's Guide to Sexual Pleasure!, August 22, 2007
Yes, he wrote it for the men. No, I'm not sure they'd read it. However, Squirms, Screams and Squirts is the perfect handbook to teach a woman about her own body, what pleases her and how to communicate her new-found desires to the man interested in pleasing her. It's even fun to read aloud with that special someone!

No big deal, March 21, 2008
I have to admit I was somewhat disappointed in this and very pleased at the same time. When it arrived, with other books I should mention, my wife took the tried and true stance, similar to the past 20 years, of "not again". She did not want to even look at the books. However, this book is designed on how to please the woman only and directed entirely to her pleasure. Which I must say is 99% of the way it should be anyway. So, my wife thought I should read this book only and return the others. I read it and was disappointed a little. I got 75% of the way through before it began to teach me anything I did not already know and I realy don't know anything.

I did like the chapter on shaving very much. In fact for the last few years I have been shaving my own face with the old shaving cream and brush and can attest to the closeness of the shave and it is best for sensitive skin, but I digress. I think only 2 of the 12 or 13 chapters had any information that was useful, but Oh how useful they were. I was able to try something new one evening and she said "did you get that from the book?" With a grin on her face and a shortness of breath not noticed in a few years.

I of coarse gave all the credit to the book. She then thought we should read it together and look at the other books as well. So, even though I think only 2 chapters had anything new they have served both of us old married folk well and that would be why it gets 5 stars. Not because I learned stuff from start to end, but because the book in general did what I was hoping for, renewed some fire into a couple middle aged, slightly pudgy, people who needed a spark.

Every Woman Should Read This Book......., December 4, 2007

My sexual journey in life as a woman has been one of self-exploration, reading and then experimentation, a path which few women ever take. Most men don't get to learn women's bodies because the majority of women don't know what to show them except their vibrators (which I will not use)..........I thought I was quite educated on the subject, but at the tender age of 54, I am not ashamed to say that I learned amazing things from this book..

I have just received an invitation to speak in front of a group of young women about female sensuality, eroticism and sexual techniques. Only your book will be offered at this workshop which will be presented as one of the most important books that they will ever read on the subject of her body and the many possibilities for pleasure besides intercourse.

So thanks for loving women enough to have taken the time to understand each one's unique needs (even when they don't) and to publish this vital information in a very detailed, well-researched and comprehensive tome that shows the ultimate respect for women. Hats off to you! I even ordered one signed copy of your book to keep in anticipation of my next lover......It will be MANDATORY READING....

Signed, Dominique

Wealth of very interesting information, October 8, 2009
I was looking at sex techniques books and stumbled on this one. I decided to buy this book after reading all the rave reviews. I'll now join that group.

The detail that Rubel provides is really helpful. It's also helpful that he takes you to a certain point and then reminds you that you have to improvise based on your own style of sex. I appreciate that he never suggests that his way is the right/only way. Very open minded. Very easy to read.

I'm also surprised and impressed about all the tips he gives men about how women think about sex and some of their fears. I'd never thought about any of that. Now I pay attention to what's going on during the evening before I want to be amorous with my wife.

I'd never thought much about these kinds of psychological and sexual techniques. I just learned sex by doing it. My wife immediately noticed that I was doing something really different in bed. She's now reading the book.

What was awkward was explaining to her why I had such a book in the first place.

This book has really helped to bring sex alive again in my 28-year marriage. Now we're talking about sex -- what a surprise!

Sorry, I thought this was a dud, November 13, 2009
I bought this as a gift for my husband . I thumbed thru but my husband read it. Sorry but any tips in here were things we already knew did or had heard about. Not very much on female ejaculation as the title suggests. No offense to anyone but I guess it's all about "what you know and who you blow"!!! We will continue on our search for erotic info. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Reviews

Disappointing, July 31, 2010
Based on the reviews and the table of content, my husband and I thought it would be a book with potential to bring something new to our long term relationship. However, this book fell short on all aspects from basic presentation to content.
On the presentation aspect, you would imagine that in a book that calls for 50 positions, you would clearly be able to define when one scenario starts and stops, no so (at least on iPad kindle).
As for the content, unless you are in need of the very basics techniques and short of simple ideas, this book will not bring much novelty in your intimate lives. There are excellent free informational sites on the net that have far greater value.
I would say that it isn't worth the paper it is written on, but as we got the eBook, I guess it leaves me to say that it isn't worth your time and money.Very disappointed indeed.

Mostly about roleplaying and scenarios., July 26, 2010
Pretty much how to give women oral sex can be summed up with two things; 1) Stimulating/sucking on the clitoris and 2)putting fingers in vagina and rolling the fingers making the 'come hither' movement stimulating the G-spot (and never use teeth!!). The books says orgasm takes ten to fifteen minutes.

Now, I already knew that, but I thought this book would have something different in it, but it really doesn't. It's pretty much 50 'positions' (but not really technique), that have a sort of role playing in them.

The book is written by a woman which I thought would offer some good insight into this, but I think it may be a handicap. Or maybe giving a woman an orgasm isn't as complicated as many men think it is, and we should be less self-conscious of being able to please women and just believe that she is not faking it.

Not much on technique, more about scenarios, September 3, 2010
This book promises technique, but really it offers only the basics that you already know (because they are obvious). Instead, it simply offers scenarios to give some variety in the where and when. If you and your lover were to agree that, the next time you find each other restless at 3 AM, you've pre-decided you'll both just undress and 69, that is not technique, that is a scenario. You aren't really having unforgettable oral, just approaching it in a different manner.

If that's all you're looking for, this book contains lots of alternative ways to enjoy having oral sex. But you'll learn absolutely nothing new as far as technique goes.

If you are truly looking for technique, "Red Hot Touch" http://www.amazon.com/gp/product/0767928210/ref=oss_product offers substantial new insight that can help in your oral sex techniques. That book focuses on the use of your hands and tongue and discusses specific areas that benefit from stimulation, to allow you to give her oral sex that she'll truly never forget. Again, if you've been doing it enough, you've probably already figured most of them out. But if you're a newbie, that book will be a great education.

This book was somewhat of a disappointment though. The softcore photos are nice, but that's the only thing that gets it 2 stars.

I'm putting a similar review on the partner book for this (we got them both, together with "Red Hot Touch"), because the same criticisms apply. Sorry Sonia, but both are books are certainly forgetful.

Perfect read on this subject., June 27, 2010
Great read on this subject. I thought it was just going to be the same-old, same-old but it wasn't. There is a lot of great information that I hadn't read before. It's a good read to share with your partner, in more ways than one. So, if you need some tutoring on this subject, look no further than this book. It might just give you all the answers you need. Also suggested, Sex Machine: A Man's Guide to What Really Pleases a Woman in Bed.

25 Oct 2010, October 25, 2010
The book uses both hand drawn pictures and color photos to illustrate different positions. The book spends most of the time describing different places you can give your woman oral sex such as at the car wash or in an airplane restroom etc to help keep sex new and exciting. Much less time was given to the actual way to give oral sex. The book gave no details what to do after you finished giving oral sex to your woman and did not go in to mutiple orgasams with oral sex. After the woman came one time the book moved on the the next where to have sex story. The book also went into the use of sex toys to aid in oral sex. The book did suggest not to be too rough with a womans private parts. Gentle seemed the way to go. I did learn a few things that I did not already know about giving woman oral sex. If you are just starting to think about having oral sex with your woman this is a good guide but I do not think it is the perfect guide.

Very educational and entertaining, June 24, 2010
This book has been a great purchase. I have found it to be very well-written with pictures to help in the understanding. The book has also been very entertaining in that it has given some examples and suggestions outside of what a normal sex life may include. Very good purchase!!!

Informative and Entertaining, May 10, 2010
This book has a lot of good information in it. Even if you're a "veteran" in the arts of love, there's a good chance you could find something new here. Some of the techniques described are best for an "average" person, but there's always some aspect of each one that anyone could do. It's well written from the perspective of taking care of your woman and it's not insulting to men. Would definitely recommend it to anyone looking to please their woman.

good fun, June 4, 2010
This book was bought to breathe some fresh attitude in our seven-year marriage. How useful we found the information is irrelevant for the review. I will say, though, that it is an appropriate, thorough treatment on the subject. I didn't feel it was pornograph-ish or sensationalized. (Well, o.k., maybe just a LITTLE...but if the book doesn't inspire you to actually TRY it, then it wouldn't be a very good book about the subject.) But, for the most part, the pictures were not obscene. The text was extremely, extremely tactful. I thought it was written like a lecture outline with the prep work before, the actual steps, things to remember, and some additional info. The book has literally different scenarios w/different "methods" (though they kind of are the same) so it's kind of like a recipe. Each set of pages is a different recipe. Creative, inventive, and we'll be pulling it out more than once or twice. The same applies for the companion book about oral sex for him.

Wow! A must read!!, February 19, 2010
We felt as if the birds and the bees were never quite explained as lovingly and romantically by your parents. After all, it would be very weird for your father or mother to explain these things! People of all ages would benefit from the overall index of information that is presented in a classy way without leaving out any important detail. The survey turned out to be a great positive eye opener for both of us! Who knew after 13 years!!

amazing, February 23, 2010
My lover and I are having so much fun reading and acting out the scenarios in the book! In a short time, we have increased our communication, pleasure, and education of each others bodies. The author does an amazing job of creating safe, hot, and realistic scenarios that help keep the fun and passion in oral sex! This is a great book that both of us are enjoying! ... Read more

Editorial Review

With 15 new illustrations, five new chapters, 48 additional pages and 2,753 updates, this fully revised and expanded 6th edition of the Guide To Getting It On is the best ever. You will be hard-pressed to find a single page of this down-to-earth sex book that doesn't bring a smile, a blush of crimson, or a moment of awe. Few books on sex are as satisfying. ... Read more

Reviews

A great "Sex Book" and a "Great Sex" book, February 18, 2002
Among the many lovely items I received from my Queen on Valentine's Day was this: "The Guide To Getting It On!" by Paul Joannides, published in 2000 by Goofy Foot Press. This is a huge 698-page oversized paperback book that covers just about every sex topic you can think of, with an especial emphasis on every aspect of The Deed itself. It's delightfully light-hearted and yet it's amazingly informative, discussing all sorts of topics in a frank, playful style that makes it a delight to read. Sample chapters in the book include:

Chapt. 9 - Sunsets, Orgasms, & Hand Grenades. Having an orgasm, the different types of orgasms a person can have (an orgasm in two-person sex usually doesn't feel like an orgasm from masturbation, for instance), faking orgasms, how it feels to different people.

Oral Sex - Chapt. 17 - Popsicles & Penises and Chapt. 18 - Vulvas & Honey Pots. Techniques on giving (and receiving) head, why different people don't taste the same, beard burn, using your teeth, advice for men from females (and for women from men), different positions.

Chapt. 34 - Techno Breasts and Weenie Angst - feeling inadequate about your body, and how to feel better because you're not a Playboy/girl model.

Plus: Getting naked, massages, nipples, sex fantasies, birth control (all types, including abstinence), pregnancy, sex laws, goofy sex terms, legitimate sex terms, and much much MUCH more.

Most of the book is large text, but there are many drawn illustrations (not photos), most of which are of people smiling and enjoying themselves as they illustrate whatever the current chapter is talking about. In fact, the whole book feels that way: it wants to make you smile, enjoy yourself, and have FUN with sex -- whatever sex-related topic you're trying to learn about.

After glancing through the book for the past couple of days, I'm
already convinced that this is the type of book that I'd like to leave in a semi-comspicuous place at home, and let my kids find it and look through it on their own when they get old enough to need to know about this stuff. It's witty, informative, not deceptive, and it tries to instill common sense as well: Have fun, help your partner have fun, and BE CAREFUL not to get into trouble (pregnancy, STD, break the law, etc.). Even if you've been doing it since you were old enough to know what "it" is, you'll probably still find some useful information in here.

In short, this book is well worth looking into. You may have trouble finding it at a used-book store, because it's a small-press publication; and I suspect that not many people are going to want to get rid of it after they buy it. But you might get lucky....

YAYYYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!, November 4, 2000
The above is my response to this book. When I first started looking though it and reading some of what Paul Joannides has to say, I thought, "Right on!" And the more I read, the more I felt this way. Mr. Joannides deserves some kind of "Medal of Honor" for writing a comprehensive, non-judgmental and at times hip and irreverent look at the world of sexuality. He leaves virtually no topic uncovered. Dang, why wasn't a book like this around twenty years ago? I could have really used it back then! He also obviously put a great deal of effort and love into this book which spans almost 700 pages. Not only is it informative and humorous, but it gets its subject matter across in a down-to-earth and common-sense style. I also loved all the illustrations in the book....

This book in my humble opinion should be mandatory reading for every Human Sexuality class taught, it truly is that good. I lost count of all the various chapters in the book, but among them are [chapters on various types of sex] sex and aging, and a chapter about sex laws (and some of them are truly shocking). Most chapters also feature comments from readers of earlier editions of this book or those who filled out surveys on the publisher's web site; all of which are also highly informative and interesting.

I give this book five stars, only because I can't give it six. Highly recommended to anyone who wants to learn more about sex, relationships, what makes the "opposite gender" act the way they do, in other words virtually everyone!

Unflinching yet so accessible, March 28, 2003
When it comes to sex guides, there is no shortage. Many are written just to titillate the reader. Many are a guidebook to kink and assume that the reader already knows the basics for more straightforward sexual fun. Some ridiculously romanticize while others read like a medical school text.

Paul Joannides' "The Guide to Getting It On!" is the ideal sex guide. It deals with the basics as well as the more adventuresome stuff. It presents health issues with honest clarity, but is never frightening or clinical. It is a thick tome, but a remarkably fast read. Joannides is thorough, yet concise.

This is the best book on the market dealing with this subject matter. The advice for how to bring up children with healthy, age appropriate views about sex is invaluable. The only problem I have with this book is that I wish I'd written it myself.

Buy this book with confidence. If you are a sex guide hobbyist, you'll love it. If you are a complete novice to the topic you'll love it. There's none better.

I reviewed this book when I was in college, December 14, 2000
When I worked for my college newspaper, I reviewed this book.The publisher sent a review copy to our paper, and both men and women on the staff engaged in all levels of subterfuge to swipe the book. I had a hell of a time keeping it on my desk long enough to write the review, then I tried to steal it for myself. I wasn't fast enough, though, and it disappeared. SO i had a long conversation with the author, whom I can say sounds like a plain-old-down-to-earth guy who happens to know a famous comic book artist (Daerick Gross) and a hell of a lot about sex. What a book. It's refreshing, honest, unpretentious. I hope he sells a million copies and can take an early retirement to Palm Beach or Patagonia or someplace nice. Paul, seeing the amazon listing made me recall the great interview you gave me (it was probably spring 99 or 98, and inspired me to put the volume on the Christmas list of someone I know ... During our interview, the author told me that in his practice as an analyst, he often wanted to suggest a book about a healthy sex life, but he could never find any. So, he wrote his own. This is the book about sex you wish you had. Great writing, Excellent illustrations (Ever wonder what happened when Peter Parker and Mary Jane (or whatever her name was) were behind closed doors?). If you're a reader considering a purchase, may I advise? BUY THIS BOOK. OR JUST SEND THE AUTHOR A SHOEBOX FULL OF MONEY. EITHER ONE.

The Finest and Most Accessible Book on Sex Ever Written, February 27, 2003
I know that moniker above sounds exaggerated, but if there's a better book on sex able to be understood by as many different types, ages, and experienced folk, you let me know.

(I'm going to make one more statement that sounds exaggerated, but isn't: If this book was put in the hands of every American pre-teen during that dry (or non-existent) school sex-ed program, I sincerely believe we would have teens making far better choices about when and how to explore their sexuality, as well as more meaningful sex, orgasms, and enjoyment for when they become sexually active adults. What I'm trying to say is that the sex education quotient here is just that -- and because it has no agenda, it's honest about the pros and cons of everything from heavy petting to intercourse--including frank discussion of disease, the cost of teen pregancy, etc. I love an early section that lists all the responsibilities that come along with a fully sexual relationship...it then challenges the reader to answer the question of whether or not they are ready to take on every single eventuality should it occur. If not, it cheerfully steers you towards a more progressive sexual development (with plenty of tips) but makes it clear that you should NOT be having intercourse. I think that one problem with American sexuality is that we don't really deal with it until the "time" comes, instead of progressively building our sexual experience alongside our building of physical and emotional maturity. If we did that, on a more reasoned and comfortable timetable, we'd all be better off. This book lets all of us know that there are plenty of things to do with those "urges." And not all of them require intercourse. YET, is this a book for kids? No, it's genuinely a book for everyone.)

The book's style is easy reading, light but not offensive, and complete. With everything from sex tips, to sex history, to chapters on approaching sex while one partner pregnant, disabled, on her period, has erectile dysfunction, etc. You can't beat the content, and its straightforward understandable presentation in any other sex book out there.

(The pictures are cool, too -- fun, realistic drawings, not cold, clinical photos.)

great guide to developing intimacy, not just technique, September 22, 2004
First I have to say I read this book several years ago then loaned it to a friend who "lost it", so my thoughts about it are not based on a fresh read. However, after having read everything about sex I could ever get my hands on, from How Babies are Made to hot scenes in novels to The Joys of Oral Sex to Kama Sutra to Gray's Anatomy, I gushed over this book to all of my friends. It was a fabulous read, light-hearted and entertaining.

What I enjoyed the most was the emphasis on communication with one's partner. I've been with men who seem to memorize technique, and no matter how good they are at operations, the sexual pleasure never approaches the ecstasy of being with someone who knows how to be creative, playful and attentive to his (or her) partner. That is what this book is all about - cultivating those aspects of sex. It does have a few delightful tips on methodology here and there, and some fun and very well done illustrations, but the goal seems to be to bring a sense of wonder and openness to the bedroom. If you are looking for Sex Techniques 101, keep shopping. If you want ideas on how to create a safe, fun, creative environment for sexual exploration, BUY IT!

Interesting Book on Sex for Young People, January 5, 2001
As long as you go into this book knowing that it is kind of an introductory book dealing with sex you'll be very happy. This book injects some fun and humor and sensuality into its discussions of sex, a welcome relief from the neurotic images of sex we're all bombarded with by the media. The illustrations manage to be far more erotic and sensual than photography could ever be, and the dialogue in the book is peppered with humor. If you're consider yourself a sexual 'veteran' you would probably be better off getting a good book on Tantra to further explore your sexuality. But if you're looking for a fun sensual book that breaks through our society's hangups about sex and gives a lot of helpful advice this book is excellent.

Everybody should read this book. Period., November 14, 2001
This book is a wealth of knowledge. No matter if you are a neophyte or a Latin-lover. Read this book. Highly recommended for all. Life in the sack a little tame? Read this book. Looking for tips? Read this book. Want to know a little more about what makes her tick? Read this book. The best thing is it's not just about sex, it's about all the extra's, like how to treat her after a hard day at work, how to make the other person unwind and WANT to do something. They spend enough time on how a relationship should work, but without being condesending. Then there is a lot of info about things you might not of thought of. Want to know how to size a butt-plug? Read this book. Want to know how to get him off with your hand or mouth? Read this book.

It's not smutty or low-brow, lots of informative info with high-class (yet tasty) drawings for, um, illustration of key concepts shall we say. I take my hat off to the writers for this one.

Sure helped me :oD

Ride Free - Mk.

A good read, but not a good sex guide, April 20, 2004
The Guide is written in a clear, casual style and is peppered with enjoyable quotes from real couples and sex therapists. The line drawings were beautiful.

I can honestly say that I curled up and read the 700 page tome like it was light beach reading. It was a thoroughly enjoyable experience.

However, I would not buy this book as a sex bible. First, it covers far more about the intricacies of sex as a cultural phenomenon than you want in a book of sex advice and tips. Whole chapters are devoted to such sexual tangents as the role of sex in religion or the history of syphilis. While this is fun reading -- and great for understanding how sex works in an emotional sense -- it takes up room that could be better spent giving more practical tips. For example, the chapter on sex during menstruation: the author spends several pages discussing the history of the development of sanitary napkins and tampons, more discussing the shame or acceptance people feel about menstruation in the workplace, and a few pages musing on whether theories about stress leads to earlier menarche. There are perhaps six lines about sex, to the effect of "Some people like having intercourse during a woman's period. Some don't. Blood washes out of sheets, usually." At the end of the chapter he justifies his ommitance of the discussion of oral sex by joking that anyone who would consider such a thing must be a vampire. There was NO discussion of methods of making sex during a period cleaner or more enjoyable, NO discussion of alternatives to intercourse, NO discussion of potential risks or lack thereof in performing oral sex during the period, etc. That's just one small chapter -- in general, the book was high on interesting fluff but low on useful content. It's a great addition to your bookshelf, but get another book if you want a real guide to sex.

As a warning, this book is very clearly written by a straight male and as a result the book is heavily slanted for heterosexual couples. The author does make attempts to be open minded, but rarely includes useful information on lesbian sex. He assumes the reader is in a heterosexual relationship -- if you aren't, you may want to look elsewhere.

I'd give it 6 stars if I could, March 21, 2000
This book is an authority on sex. It covers almost every topic imaginable, and is also very well organized so you don't have to read all 700 pages if you only want information on specific topics. The "Guide to Getting it On" is very funny and easy to read, but most importantly, it is extremely helpful and informative. This book is like an encyclopedia, how-to manual, and comic book all rolled into one. I recommend this book to everyone without hesitation, and I am even going to buy a copy for my brother in law! ... Read more

Editorial Review

For anyone who has ever dreamed of love, sex, and companionship beyond the limits of traditional monogamy, this groundbreaking guide navigates the infinite possibilities that open relationships can offer. Experienced ethical sluts Dossie Easton and Janet W. Hardy dispel myths and cover all the skills necessary to maintain a successful and responsible polyamorous lifestyle--from self-reflection and honest communication to practicing safe sex and raising a family. Individuals and their partners will learn how to discuss and honor boundaries, resolve conflicts, and to define relationships on their own terms. ... Read more

Reviews

Amazing, essential book for all relationships, April 24, 2009
The Ethical Slut is incredible!

I first read The Ethical Slut (first edition) as part of a college course. As an undergrad, I was already well on my way to being a proud slut - I did the usual versions of short-term college dating, hookups, friends-with-benefits, threesomes, and the like, with or without a committed partner at various times. It all felt natural and right, but there were invariably awkward moments of poor negotiation, misunderstood communication, and mis-handled jealousy.
When I read The Ethical Slut, I found an amazing wealth of information and suggestions on how I could make my various relationships work better and more smoothly. I wished I'd had this book all along - it would have saved so much trouble! If only I'd known that an agreement to "see other people" wasn't nearly complete enough! The Ethical Slut lays out all the things to think about in having open relationships of various sorts. I've been called a slut since I was 14, but it was this book that gave me the idea that being a slut could be a good thing - and now I couldn't be happier with my fabulous life as a proud slut.

The Ethical Slut is an entertaining, readable, real-life explanation of all the options in relationships. Whether you want to be single or partnered or grouped, poly or monogamous, or whatever else, this book helps you figure out all the possibilities better. It's THE relationship book for anyone who wants more options than a "leave-it-to-beaver" relationship.

If you're just starting to explore open relationships, or you're even just thinking about it, there's no better place to start than with this book. And if you're already immersed in poly life, it's got the "advanced level" information you need. For those who know and love the first edition, the second edition is definitely worth adding to your collection. There's a ton of new information on the really crucial details of how to make all sorts of poly and open relationships work.

The second edition now has exercises exercises, taken from Dossie Easton's work as a therapist with poly folks, that you and/or your partner(s) can work on together. I loved the new section on living as a single slut - which makes the point that sluthood and open loving can be an identity that doesn't require a conventional partnership to secure or ground it. It also offers ideas on how to get one's needs met from a network of friends and lovers - useful information for pretty much anyone. The new segments on handling jealousy and conflict are especially good for those of us who have been involved in poly relationships for some time and need the more detailed info, from the voices of experience, to help through the rough spots. I feel like I'm always learning in poly relationships, and every time I go back to The Ethical Slut, there's some tidbit that helps with the complicated, hard, or unexpected parts of a generally fabulous poly life.

Whether you've read the first edition or not, this is definitely a book you should own. I've read it 3 or 4 times now, and I keep going back to it to check out certain sections that become more relevant as I encounter new poly challenges.

Rather than offering generalities and theories, The Ethical Slut speaks from many people's experience over many decades. It's the real-life information that you need to make all your relationships amazing!!

(and, speaking of making sex and play and relationships amazing, check out some of Dossie Easton and Janet Hardy's other books - The Topping Book, The Bottoming Book, When Someone You Love Is Kinky, and Radical Ecstasy!)

opened my mind to new possibilities!, March 10, 2009
I have always loved sex, but growing up in the South, felt a bit guilty about that. Even though I had open-minded parents, the society around me shaped my beliefs more than I often like to admit.

I found this book very helpful as it showed me that I am not the only one to feel as I do about sex and, more importantly, that I'm not a "bad" person for feeling this way.

Whether or not you are interested in having more sex, or justifying the sex you already have, this book will help you to work with the mental issues around that.

Being an "ethical slut" is about much more than sex though-- it's about having the courage to express your feelings and following your desires. It's about expanding yourself to new levels and going way beyond the limits society has set for you.

Of course, that is my definition. One of the great things about this book is that it allows you to define "ethical slut" for yourself. The authors throw it all out there. Bisexuality, multiple partners are once, marriage, leather, bondage, and more is included here. You pick what works for you. You're also free to change that at any time.

Good book. Very progressive and certainly not for everybody. The book encourages you to follow your own road though, so if you read it, do so knowing that it's perfectly ok for you to disagree.

A related book, which I also love, and I think you will also, is Just Fk Me! - What Women Want Men to Know About Taking Control in the Bedroom. Something else to make you question everything and come up with your own thoughts.

More of the same wonderful advice on how to be an open, respectful, and honest slut, June 10, 2009
This is a second edition book, branching off of Easton and Hardy's 1997 book, The Ethical Slut: A Guide to Infinite Possibilities. This second edition expands to include new topics, such as polyamory. The original Ethical Slut has been touted as "the open relationship Bible" -- a must-read for anyone wanting to open their relationship. The expanded edition gives us more of the same wonderful advice on how to be an open, respectful, and honest slut. Opening up a relationship, you can imagine, is not one of the easier things one would do in their life. The are probably so many cheaters in this world, because it's simply easier to cheat than to put forth the effort to go about having an open relationship in a healthy and respectful way.

I enjoyed reading the first edition as much as this second one, and have always recommended this book, even if you're not looking to "be a slut." Easton and Hardy offer practical guidelines for any type of relationship, for all relationships must have the foundation of trust and openness in which to build upon.

The bible of poly-relating, November 12, 2009
In an age where there seem to be nearly unlimited choices for relating, and truly unlimited guilt and shame attached to all things sexual, Dossie Easton succeeds in walking that fine line between being true to self and ones very real needs and desires, and being true to the basic precepts of honesty and ethical behavior that are the hallmarks of mature adult behavior - and which seem to be sorely lacking in most writings about "alternative" lifestyles and practices.

Though many will decry polyamory as just another excuse for promiscuity, Dossie makes it clear that this is, in fact, truly about loving and being loved unconditionally, as is our birthright - if only we have the courage to try.

Polyamory is not easy, it will never "fix" an existing flawed relationship (indeed it will almost certainly hasten its' demise!), and it works only between individuals who can be completely honest, even when honesty hurts. Given that, "The Ethical Slut" is a decent roadmap toward an expression of our true potential as lovers and partners. Definitely worth reading, and re-reading, if poly is a serious interest, or if you're just curious. It'll make you think, if nothing else.

A wonderful grounded-in-reality relationship book!, October 1, 2010
I found this book to provide many many wonderful insights into the nature of free relationships. I have always felt constrained by the rigid definitions placed on relationships ("Lover" "Girlfriend" "Best friend" "Mom") and the inherent tension and jealousy they cause when we don't have the tools or the courage to stand up for our need to share affection in many ways with many people. We are a rainbow people being shoved into a black and white world and sometimes we need tools and affirmation to be our rainbow selves. This book is helping my friends and I chill out, relax, learn about ourselves and love more.
Another beautiful resource in the quest for a more loving and authentic world!

Good information, format a little lacking, August 27, 2010
While the book offers many humorous anecdotal examples of how polyamorous couples are able to successfully navigate the challenges of multi-partner pairing, I found the exercises that readers are supposed to complete with their partner(s) a bit lacking. In short, it is a useful tool for reinforcing or promoting the idea that it is not morally or biologically "better" to be strictly monogamous, but it is not the only literature to consider before making any lifestyle changes. Additionally, the topics of sexually transmitted infections and unwanted pregnancies are not treated with appropriate seriousness, but instead are glazed over as minor impediments.

the Ethical Slut, May 28, 2010
Fantastic Book...well rounded...well written....if you want to read a Healthy, Ballanced, Objective book on the subject of Polyamory this is probably the best book out there on the subject. The topic of multipal/open relationships can be such a touchy forbbiden subject of conversation for so many people,... if that is something you are interested in investigating or bring up with your partner this book should be helpful in opening such a sensative door of curiosity.

The "Gold Standard", February 6, 2010
Hands down the best book on polyamory and open relationships! Ideal for any single or couple looking to explore the world of non-monogamy, or anyone experienced in the lifestyle seeking to improve their relationships. Fantastic, highly recommended reading!

Informative and mind changing, August 22, 2009
Very well written and full of useful information for any relationship you may have with someone. The authors are kind and humorous and the anecdotal stories illustrate their points well. They stress the importance of taking care of yourself, communicating effectively and nurturing relationships with your friends, partners, lovers. It was refreshing that they did not try to categorize the relationships between people since relationships are tricky, complicated amorphous things. It's clear that both authors have a lot of experience with being ethical (and maybe sometimes not so ethical) sluts. As someone who is starting to explore polyamory, the ideas in this book have been tremendously helpful - especially the parts about owning your feelings, communicating and the transitory nature of relationships. They also include some helpful resources on how to get started, finding groups, breaking up, how to deal with children and how to be a single slut. This book has been amazingly helpful, not just for lovers but for any relationship!

Exploration into alternative lifestyle., July 1, 2009
The Ethical Slut is a very good, eye opening--sometimes eye popping--book about exploring an alternative relationship. Inside, I found out just what I was looking for in that the author(s) doesn't hold back in the descriptions about what it entails to actually do something like this. These are real life experiences told by people who have been invloved with polyamarous realtionships, so you're going to get the gist of it. I have yet to see another book on the subject that comes close to this one. ... Read more

Editorial Review

Welcome to a Sexy World of Sexy Sex.

Sex is the most powerful and important thing in the universe, and if you aren t instantly good at it you probably never will be and everyone will laugh at you. This is something you should know before even attempting sex.

Fortunately, you hold in your hands the ultimate guide to getting your rocks off, rigorously field tested by the authors. Every sexual technique they have tried. Every erogenous zone they have erogenated. Every STD they have suffered from sometimes for way too long just to see what would happen.

But beware this sexy knowledge comes with a terrible price: After you have read this book, there is no going back.

Once absorbed, the wisdom contained in The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex cannot be unlearnt. You may easily spend the rest of your life orgasming your brains out, and neglecting your friendships, your career, and every other aspect of your life that doesn t involve constant genital stimulation. To call you a mindless sex zombie would be putting it gently. But you will be completely satisfied . . . as will your legions of sexual partners.

WELL, ARE YOU IN? ... Read more

Reviews

Funny and smart, August 6, 2010
The book is simply hilarious. It's loaded with charts, graphs, and illustrations, and the captions for these are some of the funniest things in the book. I love it. The writing is witty and clever and, in case you were wondering, there is actual, useful sex advice in here - often in the form of mocking and ridiculing things that you might think are a good idea, but really aren't.

Funny AND Sexy (but mostly funny), August 5, 2010
"The Sexy Book Of Sexy Sex" is one of the funniest books on sex I've ever read, and believe me, I'm a pervert so I've read a LOT of them. Schaal and Blomquist have written a book where clams have their own kama sutra, goats dress up like policemen, sex leads to time travel, and the cast of "The Golden Girls" is the subject of erotic fan-fiction. It's hilarious. And incredibly filthy. A wonderful book to share a laugh over with your foul-mouthed granny, dom/sub, or that guy in the trenchcoat sitting on that park bench. It's really, really funny.

Funniest book you can put on a coffee table, August 25, 2010
Open to any page in the Sexy Book of Sexy Sex, and you're pretty much guaranteed to get a laugh. It's witty, graphic and weird, with an infectious openness about all things sexual. Creative with everything from pictures and charts to plays and a sexy "Where's Waldo?", and no shortage of hilarious prose. Very funny. Very much recommend.

Informative and hilarious, November 14, 2010
I had a positive bias when I started reading the Sexy Book of Sexy Sex because I think Kirstin Schaal is hilarious. I was not disappointed. The writing manages the fine line between witty and absurd with a sexy strut. This is the perfect book to pick up in the brief interlude between romantic trysts. As a woman without children their depiction of Female Stomach Parasite (FSP) as a screaming baby really hit home. Great book. I won't give it to my mom, but it otherwise will be a good gift this holiday season.

Laugh out loud funny, August 31, 2010
I usually don't laugh out loud while reading, but this book is a constant exception. It's outlandish, but equally hilarious...and the pictures are good to boot!

Fun, Funny and.... Sexy!, August 27, 2010
The cover of this book made me stop in my tracks and then when I realized it was the fabulous Kristen Schaal in the granny bra and tube socks I knew my husband would love it - we're both big fans and he'd def. dig the subject matter ;)

The book is hilarious - super funny, sassy and dare I say, sexy? One of those books where we're constantly calling out to each other, "Did you read this" and "Did you see that." And while NSFW, it's a great book to leave out on your coffee table for (grown-up) parties, will definitely get the conversation going!

And the fact that it was written by a real couple adds a touch of sweetness to the whole thing. I'd love to be a fly on the wall in the Blomquist/Schaal house. No, not in a voyeur kind of way (get your mind out of the gutter) but I'll bet the even the conversations about taking out the trash and making dinner are hilarous.

I'd recommend as a fun gift for a favorite couple with the right sense of humor, or for your and your sweetie to read together to inspire funny sexyttimes.

Take a peek FIRST, August 4, 2010
I would strongly recommend that BEFORE you purchase this book you take it for a trial run! What I mean is flip through the pages and see if the book is for you!

I purchased the book sight unseen because of the media hype. I was disappointed.
The book addresses sex in a number of different ways: facts about sex, funny sex, short stories about sex, illustrations pertaining to sex and the authors are even kind enough to add 'red type' to what they call the really steamy scenes.

The problem... there is not very much that is funny. Then, there is not very much that is SEXY. I did laugh once or twice but that was about it. The authors use sex words over and over and over again until you are sick of them.
The illustrations are simply there... not much to ever get to exited about!

I did find one or two of the short stories both interesting and amusing so it wasn't a complete disaster.

For me it was not worth the money... check it out first BEFORE you buy... I think it would help!

An exploration of sexual life and human ironies, November 14, 2010
The Sexy Book of Sexy Sex provides a hilarious survey by a comedy team, sex practitioners and a real-life couple who explore sex in history, social issues, role playing, jokes, and more. Illustrations and funny surveys consider myths, spoof reality, and provide hours of entertaining reading in this exploration of sexual life and human ironies.

Sexy, October 24, 2010
I couldn't stop smiling, chuckling and even laughing hysterically at some points - a great way to relax and take time for yourself. This book brought tears to my eyes it was so funny.

a gem!, October 15, 2010
Imaginative and whimsically perverted! A sexy read even when fearlessly diving into the inadequacies of intercourse. The writing is great and the sexual wisdom is palpable, plus you get to see clams doing it! Can't recommend this book highly enough. ... Read more